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I don’t know really what I am doing with my life

HI everyone, my name Is Joe. It’s not my real name, I am afraid to show up. Here I am Going to tell you all about MY life. So, I am 19 years old in less than 3 months I will be 20. I am an Asian. I am a very funny and entertaining guy. My height is like 5:5 or 5:6 inches I don’t accurate. I am in 12th stD. Hahaha hahha, I know it’s not funny. But the fun fact is I am in 12th since 2 years and it’s my Third year.

Yeah, I am a loser I know. I don’t know how to write a story I am writing first time so please, sorry for that. I have been in 12th since 2 years and after 2 months I am having my exams again but still I am not studying.

Coz I don’t want to study that’s right every time I try to concentrate I can’t. I don’t know really what to do. It’s like I am a burden. My parents are saying to earn money and leave if I can’t do. But still I don’t even know how to earn money. Yeah, I know I am useless. I smoke cigarettes drink wine even sometimes Marijuana. I dreamt big a lot big.

I used to think that I will be famous one day lots of people will chant my name I will have luxury cars, brands, I will be everywhere. Just like a dream right. When I was like 17 I dreamt to become a singer, but people used to make fun of me said my voice is hoarse and heavy. I can’t sing in my entire life.

So, I increased my cigarettes intakes. Because I feel I won’t ever become a singer. I even tried vocal classes for like 10 days, but I left coz I was afraid what if anyone finds out, friends family I quit that dream. I still regret that whenever I hear anyone singing or a good song. I can’t quit smoking now because I don’t want to quit. I know all the harmful effects of it, but I don’t want to. It’s like I am liability on my family.

I don’t want to live like a burden. I don’t know what to do in my life really, I want to do something. But I am lost there is no one to guide me. I won’t ever think about suicide, but I still get a feeling to run away. But I am afraid of the consequences. I m a coward, I have lost confidence, hope.

I don’t know really what I am doing with my life just wasting my time and wasting money of my family. I am always busy with friends or social media or gaming or movies. I don’t know really what am I doing. I am destroying me each day I don’t want to, I am stuck at life. C’mon man I want to achieve goals. But I am lost, and I’m really lost my way of life.

 

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