I’m 18. Just heading out into the world. I can’t hold a Job and I can’t find anything I enjoy doing. I’m always depressed. Not because of anything in particular, just really sad. I can never get close to anyone. I ruin every relationship I get into, whether with friends or girlfriends. I always start to get close and then I get really confused and frustrated and I can’t stop myself from driving them away. I’ve never had a huge interest in sex or money or anything I’ve always just wanted someone to talk to. Someone I can call at 3am and share all the things I’m thinking about. I want to be called at 3am and have my phone die 3 hours later as I listen to someone I love spill out everything they’re thinking. I’ve never had many dreams or aspirations. I just want someone that gets me, and can blabber on and on in out blabbersome conversations. Every time I try to get close to someone it always goes wrong. A lot of the time I wonder if there really is a reason I’m still here.

I’m still going though. Hoping that one day I’ll have a reason to go on, and not feel as though every day I wake up is useless.

I guess if anyone else feels the same just remember that saying it is the first step to getting past it. I tell myself that every day and I’m still here so I guess it works.