I hate how I look and I just want to vanish away.
I’m 15. I avoid every mirrors, every shadow of me, every camera lens, every windows that have my reflection on, because they all seem so ugly and distorted to me, even if I do look at my reflection, I feel like crying, because every beautiful faces I saw in my school will rush back to my head and I will see them while I look at my own reflection, every time, I would start tearing up and whispering “Make it stop, make me disappear”. And I just want it to stop, I really did.
I often get extremely mad of the way I look, I was mad at how some people are just so beautiful, and I’m just here with a face uglier than a horse’s, I never wanted to be super beautiful, I just wanted an average looking face like my mom and my little sister. All my friends look absolutely stunning, and of course I wish to be like them, but I can’t, I just want to die.
There is no point in that ! I am beautiful woman suffering so much ! Because I lack smartness, stability in my life, ex i have a bf and he is in the US and now we are seperated because I got sick in the middle of my studies had to fly here and I am still sitting home doing nothing and having 2 year career gap. Do you think people love me because I just look good? Do you think they talk to me with a girl who’s life is so confusing. How will I marry , where do I settle, I have breathing problem due to allergy I can never fly long..( I have a sharp nose ) . What did I achieve in my life ? NOTHING. I cry everyday looking at other beautiful girls. Their life seems awesome Now everyone must be enjoying in the US . I am so depressed. And I See all the average looking and ugly looking are also In the states and other countries enjoying with friends. But this girl who is told to be good looking never had friends permanently. I am like a cloud. My happiness was short everytime. My father suffered 6 years not breathing and that was one horrific event don’t ask me. I love my dad so much so..Well I couldn’t hangout with my parents 6 years…LIFE IS HORRIBLE I WANT TO DIE !! I lost everything…now my parents are good. I am happy for that reason. I am scared on my future..Me and my bf love each other. He cannot get a job here and I cannot fly there. WOW. What a checkmate. Do i have a job? HELL NO. SO ARE MY FRIENDS TALKING TO ME ? WELL WHY WOULD THEY IAM HOME. THEY ARE WORKING / FINISHED MASTERS. cool !! CAPRICORN IS MY ZODIAC SIGN. I AM ALONE. VERY ALONE. Oh you say I have my parents !! OK I love that. But remember they are always asked about what are your kids doing now? what can they say about me ! SIMPLE HEALTH REASON has changed my life. Depressed and lonely. cOnfused future.