I thought it would be a good idea to tell my story about my journey of anxiety (recovery sort of). It just occurred to me I’ve never written about it except in pieces. I’ve never made a complete account of my struggles with anxiety and I think it would help me to do so. So here goes:
No one could ever imagine how someone feels and how it would feel to be put in someone else’s position. The hardest thing is when no one understands you. This story isn’t aimed at anyone in particular. I just want to make a massive awareness and to tell people that no one’s alone. I hope that sharing my story will make people realize that there is hope and it is possible to achieve anything you want to achieve.
The most important thing I’ve learnt in the last 4/5 years is that you’re not alone, ever. It’s hard for people to sit there and watch you feel pain and what you’re going through, as little as it seems and as easy as it looks, it’s hard to sit there and tell people how you feel, but no one should ever feel like there alone and to keep it held in for such a long period of time that you feel like you need to give up.
It took me one single video to watch on Facebook to realize that a lot of people feel alone and they shouldn’t. YES, I’m not sitting here now and saying that I never feel alone, because the whole aspect of my issues is that I feel alone, and I feel like I don’t have anyone. But I know so many people love and care for me and that’s one of the reasons I’m still here today. It’s so easy for people to sit there and say, ” there is nothing wrong with them ” ” there fine it’s just one of those days. again ” Now the reason I’m telling l my story; isn’t for the sympathy, and there are people out there who you can turn too. I’m not here to get attention, sometimes it’s good for yourself to let your feelings out.
It started when I was in middle school, I loved school, school was the most amazing thing to me, the social side seeing all my friends every day, but one knock down, one thing to happen can change it all. I got to a stage in middle school, I had no friends, for a reason still to this day I don’t know why and how. Not going to school for months and not having the life style all of my friends had, sitting back and watching the people who hurt me the most enjoy school like any normal child at the age of 13-14 should, really knocked me down. Starting a new school and gaining my confidence up again after losing it all within the blink of an eye. I’ve learnt that when something bad happens to you, sometimes it’s never fixable. And no matter how hard you try no matter how small or big the situation was, it stays with you for a long time. Still to this day most people still don’t understand. As easy it is to sit there and say you’re okay, and nothing’s wrong or your just tired. Or you just can’t be bothered for school today… It leads into saying it for a very long time, making people believe me and think there’s nothing wrong, as hard as it is to sit there and talk to strangers. I’m the hardest person to talk to and feel my feelings, but there is generally amazing people who have been there and made me still here today, including my family and friends. And I have seen people throughout my experience and have had help.
It’s so amazing how things can seek up on you? you can be normal one week and horrible the next. Sometimes you have good days, as people say yeah, she’s fine she’s happy but for several years now I’ve been dealing with “anxiety”. It can hit you like a ton of bricks.
I am a very anxious person, the only way I can describe my self-feeling is distant. Everything feels so distance and that’s why I am sensitive person, I don’t go to school, I don’t enjoy having a large number of friends. Waking up every day knowing that it’s another day of pure stress and pure anxiety. It’s so hard to comprehend how someone is feeling and how someone deals with things. People can sit back and watch you and think your happy, fine, putting your tears on, making yourself feel worthless for no reason. Knowing your scared of the world and scared of what is yet to come is horrible. It’s not everyday things seem like a massive struggle to me, I wake up some days enjoying doing things and seeing my friends. But even if you smile! And are having a nice time. Inside things do still hurt and don’t go away within the blink of an eye.
To this day, I do go out, I see my friends, I do things. But when you have a low, it’s easy for people to say nothing is wrong. Anyone feeling low or feeling like they have no one, YOU ARE SPECIAL, you are unique, and you cannot be replaced. Yes. Anxiety, depression etc. may never go away. You might ‘ dream ‘ of being normal again, but no one’s normal. And one day you WILL fall back on your feet. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel and if you can’t see that light. Your journey isn’t over yet and that light is still to come x.
