Why can’t good girls smoke?
I am a girl living in a conservative Caucasian country. As you might already know, there are very strict ‘unwritten’ rules in such countries that everyone ought to obey, especially girls.
Being a woman has always been hard, but being a young lady in such a society where the sum of meaningless rules – MENTALITY – reigns over, is even much harder. My whole life has been ruined by trying to fulfil my duties as a daughter of my dad and as a sister of my brother; before making any step, I have to think twice in order not to damage their ‘pride’. I have always been said not to laugh loudly, not to wear shorts, not to drink alcohol, not to smoke, or even not to date anyone; why? Just because I came to this damn world as a girl; that is the only fault, well fault of God (if he exists), not mine.
To some extent, I was a “good” girl, obeying everything as my family expected me. In time, I started to realize that is not what I want to do. So, I started to break the rules secretly; I started to drink, date a guy, and even smoke. Well, I am not really addicted to smoking and I was smoking only once or twice a week. But then one day my mom caught me while smoking, and she got very angry at me (of course). She screamed at me, saying what a “bad” girl I have become. Well, this was one of the most awful moments of my life that I was always afraid of. However, after my mom’s reaction, I did not stop smoking, I started to smoke even more. Well, I am not a teenager, I am already 23, and I am well-aware of the fact that people tend to do the things which they are not allowed to. And yes, I smoked, but not because I was not allowed, but because I was not allowed to smoke as a girl. My brother also smokes since his childhood, and no one calls him a “bad” or “dirty” boy. So why am I being judged; due to my gender or due to my bad habit?
I hate mentality and I hate all the rules that prevent us (not only girls, in general) from doing what we want to do and being where we want to be. It is not about smoking, it is about my freedom. I am not free, this is not my life. I live the life of my parents with their rules. I am working and gaining my own money, but financial independence is not really enough.
I do not know what to do. It is like you have born as a bird supposed to fly, but is condemned to living in a cage. I do not want this life anymore.
