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I’ve suffered 8 miscarriages in my life!

Hi people out there!
It’s just my frustration which I want take out and want someone really bad to console me!

What exactly life is?? How do we women live our life?? Don’t we have our rights to live it the way we want to? After all it’s MY life and my choice the way I want to live it. People just know to play with my emotions with my feelings that’s it, they just want a puppet to entertain them nothing else. My own husband has played with me, he played with my emotions with my feelings! Didn’t he love me? If not then didn’t he saw my love towards him? I loved him with all my might and he what he did he betrayed me! He betrayed me just because I wasn’t able to conceive! I wasn’t able to give birth to any baby or to give him a baby, what was my fault in it if I’m not able to conceive.

I’ve suffered 8 miscarriages in my life! 8! and when I share this from people they just give me examples that what about those women who can’t conceive or lost their babies right after their birth but no one knows the bitter truth of my life because I never share it with anyone and today I’m doing it. One year to our marriage and we both decided to start a family and I got pregnant that is the moment for which every women craves of or desires of after marriage and I was blessed with twins but life wanted something else I was on my 7th month of pregnancy when I tripped off from stairs and had to give birth to immature babies and because they were immature they couldn’t survive and I lost them.
That was the moment I was completely broken and shattered and from that very day we tried and tried and I always was pregnant but had my miscarriage at 2nd month, from that very day up till now we both crave for a baby and recently months back I suffered another miscarriage and that was when my life completely changed. MY HUSBAND LEFT ME!! HE DIVORCED ME!

The reason he left me was that I wasn’t able to give him babies and that he started loving someone else and they eventually slept together and she was pregnant and he LOVES HER A LOT! NOT ME!! Didn’t I loved him that he loved someone else? WHY! WHY! WHY ME ALWAYS??

And that’s not it before leaving he made me pregnant and that too with triplets and I’m extremely grateful to God for sending these cuties in my life and I’m beyond happy but how could he leave me?? Didn’t he think once for me once?? Never ruthless I felt like now everything’s going to be fine, God gave me babies now nothing will happen and I’ll live with my babies happily but life had other plans….

One day he came back and said that he is sorry and my heart melted and I hugged him saying it’s okay and to never leave me…
But I didn’t know that time that the hug was the worst step I took in my life HE RAPED ME! THAT MAN WHOM I LOVED THE MOST RAPED ME THAT TOO WHEN I WAS PREGNANT WITH TRIPLETS!!

At this stage, I’m completely broken and completely shattered I just want to die I just want to commit suicide and end all this just end my life but then life gave me some ray of hope life gave me my best friend who proposed me and wants to live with me forever and I accepted it just to move on! Just so that my babies would have a father just that they never lack love of a father not because I loved him or want to live with him just because my babies would get love of a father.

I can’t move on from all the incidents. I’m not pure for him I’m impure I’m not good for him and I don’t know why he loves me so much, why?? Even after knowing that I’m raped he still loves me! Why?? I’m not pure he is so pure so perfect and me!! I’m impure MY EX HUSBAND USED ME AS A SEX TOY AFTER DIVORCE!! HE USED ME AS A SEX TOY! I’m not pure I’M DIRTY ALL DIRTY how can I be with someone who is so pure not like me impure.

It’s just all my fault that this is happening it’s just my fault if I would have given birth to a baby then he wouldn’t have left me never! It’s all my fault all my fault I was so deeply in love with him that I still love him I STILL LOVE HIM! And I’m unable to move on unable to start a new life with anyone ANYONE! It’s all my fault all he wanted was a baby and I couldn’t give him! It was just a baby just a baby, if I would have given birth to a baby then he wouldn’t have left me like this all alone all useless! And now I’m guilty that I said yes to him, I became selfish about my babies that I said yes to him so that my babies would get a fathers love and he who loves me and I don’t I’m ruining his life. I ruined his life, I’m responsible for ruining it! How can I do this to him how?? When I became so selfish when??

And more over when I share all this with people they say that I’m telling lie, they say how can all this happen with a woman all at a same time, they say I’m telling LIE! I don’t understand that how can people even think this how can they just say like this? how can I say lie about being raped?? How can I lie about having miscarriage?? How can I lie about my recent relationship how can I?? I have been raped and I’m telling a lie about it?? How can a woman say this to just joke around and play?? This is reality I’m raped I had miscarriages!! All is true about my recent relationship with my best friend!! EVERYTHING’S TRUE!!

I just want to die, I just want to commit suicide and end all this I want to die I just want to die I don’t want to live anymore in this world where people think my life is a lie my life is a drama I don’t want to live. I don’t want to live in a society where people think this all is a lie. This is all true! All true!!

Everyone’s leaving me one by one my dear and near ones they are leaving me when I beg them not to leave they just don’t bother about anything they just don’t I’m afraid that everyone is going to leave me no one is going to stay in my life not even my babies I’m afraid they will also leave their mommy. Everyone will leave me alone I will be alone. And I’m sure that when my best friend gets to know about all this he’ll also leave me leave me! And why shouldn’t he after all I betrayed him!!

2 Comments


  1. Let me ask a question ..how can you still love someone who left you for another that too knowing full well that you are suffering and also knowing that you will be devastated and later raped you..??….sometimes …the most complicated questions have the simplest of answer’s do not love or be under the delusion that you still love your ex husband or if you really love him move on some relationship’s in this world are toxic somepeople no matter how much they love each other can be just as harmful to each other your ex-husband is your weakness….move on…you have a husband ..more over your best friend …you still have a best friend….stop thinking about what you lost ..think about what you have….you have someone that loves you that love’s your children and the simplest answer is move on from your ex husband stop clinging to the past and stop thinking about what you lost instead think about what you have …what you will have ..care for your husband/bestfriend,you make him happy recognize that ability you have,……life is too short to get hung up over-thinking about thing’s you can’t change …or thing’s that are out of your control ..or thing’s that are just not meant to be… this is my honest opinion and a humble request…i am deeply touched reading your story..if you say it is true i believe you ….please move on ….who ever you are i wish you all the very best …i hope that you will find peace and happiness because that is the ultimate destination peace…..take counselling course come to terms with your past …meditate …and if you believe in a higher power pray……

  2. Dear friend, Don’t let your past ruin your present. Just move on. Don’t feel guilty about things that were not in your hands. Live in the present moment. Read Michael Newton’s Journey of souls. It will change your perspective towards life.

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