Have you ever felt like you’re being choked?
Not physically but more on a mental level, like you’re being choked to death but you don’t tell anyone but you want to.
You can wave for people to help but you don’t want to do that either.
You just want the choking to stop.
Maybe the choking is an emotional ass stereo typical heart break.
Or maybe it’s just a fucking betrayal by a close friend that you thought you fucking had.
Well shit me too.
You ever felt like you were drowning in a pool and everyone can see you but won’t help?
And you’re pissed off that they won’t help but then again you kind of don’t want them to help you?
You kind of don’t want to be pulled to safety because “safety” in today’s society is a bunch of fucked up, twisted, mentally ill, mean ass teenage kids?
So you just drown, right there, in plain sight for everyone to see and not to help.
Have you ever painted a face on? A smiling happy one with no cares in the world because that’s really who you want to be.
But you couldn’t dare tell your mom or dad about how fucked you feel inside because either a.) They won’t care or b.) There the type of dumb ass parents who would blame their selves for you feeling fucked up in the inside.
And notice that I say the word fucked up instead of suicidal because I don’t believe that we are ever suicidal, just really, really fucked up to the point where there is no fixing it, and everyone just wants you to talk and talk and talk but talking about the fucked up things that I’m feeling inside isn’t going to help me not feel fucked up anymore and that’s what parents, teachers, and shrinks don’t fucking get . Talking doesn’t fucking help.
It never has and it never will.
Have you ever gave someone your whole heart and they just pissed on it? Have you ever fell in love with a hoe? Have you ever put someone before your own self more times than you can count only for them to go fuck you over? Well I have.
I don’t know what it is with human beings and being a fucking asshole to people who love and care about you but we tend to do it a fucking lot, I mean you’re the one reading this …. Haven’t you? We’re not all innocent here so let’s stop with the Kumbaya bullshit because I have fucked someone over who loved me. Maybe this is karma, maybe god is fucking punishing us for all we ever did by making us be vulnerable around someone long enough to fall for their bullshit and fall in love, only for them to pretend to love us back but in all reality, they’re just living their life. Having a little fun, not caring about anyone’s fucking feelings but their own, not caring that they’ve crushed your soul, not caring that they were your little bit of light in this dark dark voyage, not caring that they shitting on you caused you to have one of the biggest breakdowns mentally and physically because you thought that they were going to be the person to pull you out of your fucked up state only for them to push you down even further which leaves you here, fucked up, ready to leave all the bullshit behind, ready to not have to wear fake faces and hide who you really are and what you really are feeling like to other people, not having to get your heart crushed, not having to be choked or drown with no one to help, not having to hurt ……..
But shit let’s be fucking honest this life we live fucking sucks