Dear myself, if you’re reading this it’s because you have relapsed. I have something to tell you:

You are not alone, I know how you feel but you’ll get through it. You always do!

You don’t have to be alone. People care. You’ve got support. People have your back. It’s okay to lean on them for a while. You don’t have to be ashamed of this and you don’t have to be so strong all the time.

It’s not your fault. All these thoughts and feelings, they’re not your fault.

You are precious. You are valuable, loved. You’re a very good person who bad things have happened to. Do not hate yourself. Don’t give up.

I know how you feel -it’s a never-ending tunnel and the only way out is death? Wrong, that is the depression talking.

I know it feels like you’ll never be happy again. And you feel like everyone is just fooling themselves. Can’t they see that life is cruel, meaningless and pointless?

I know you don’t know why this is happening to you. You don’t know why you feel like this so you are blaming yourself. You think you deserve it.
Well, you don’t. Nobody does.

Trust me, I’ve been there and now I’m out I know I was wrong. And it’s scary because I thought I was right. I am not ugly. I am not a bitch. Not a whore.

Life is good. People may not always be good. You may not always be good but this is human. Don’t be ashamed.

You’re a survivor. You made it through another day? That is, you are being strong and fighting.

I have faith in you. I have faith in life. I have faith in hope and happiness.

I’ll see you at the end of the tunnel 🙂

I just got out of depression. There is not much to explain about it. One day I suddenly felt horrible, empty. Life was meaningless. I hated myself so much. I hurt myself. I thought of death as an escape and I wanted death to come. I didn’t want to wake up, but I was afraid to sleep as well. I didn’t want to eat, I didn’t want to do anything. I wondered how I could go through the same thing every single day. I wasn’t sure if I was depressed (looking back I know that I was) but maybe because there was no trigger, no because I was reluctant to think of it as depression, since nothing significantly bad has happened to me. And I hated myself even more for it, I am loved, I have a supportive family but I don’t know why I was feeling this way. Days were merged into a cycle of immense guilt, shame and pain, sometimes numbness. I couldn’t tell anyone, I was too ashamed.

But I got out of it. That is the key, when I was depressed, I thought I was right and everyone was wrong. I could not see the light at the end of the tunnel, I could hardly see the end of the tunnel. I never thought I could ever feel normal and happy again. BUT I DID. I DID.

Yesterday, just as sudden as it came, it went away. I didn’t get any professional help and I have no idea why it went away. I was still lifeless in the morning but I had a nap in the afternoon and when I woke, (if you’ve read it’s kind of a funny story) THE SHIFT HAPPENED. IT HAPPENED! I was singing, I was laughing for no reason. Suddenly my future didn’t seem so dire. Suddenly I realized my exams are coming up and I have to revise. Suddenly I wanted to eat, I wanted to get up, I wanted to do something. Life was beautiful. I looked at the scars on my arm and I laughed at how silly I was. How could I do that to myself. Why couldn’t I see all these colors around me? Why couldn’t I feel? Why couldn’t I live?

This morning, I was so afraid the emptiness would come back. Because I know getting depression again after I’ve experienced a bout of normality and joy would be so much harder. But it didn’t. Every moment now is precious because I don’t know if tomorrow will be grey again. When I smile, I treasure it, because I know I will never take happiness for granted again. But anyway, I wrote a note to myself in case my depression comes back (which I really really desperately hope does not) and I wanted to share this note in hope that it may reach out and hold the hands of others who might still be in the dark empty tunnel.

‘Dear myself, if you’re reading this it’s because you have relapsed. I have something to tell you:

It’s okay. It’s okay.

You are not alone, I know how you feel but you’ll get through it. You always do!

You don’t have to be alone. People care. You’ve got support. People have your back. It’s okay to lean on them for a while. You don’t have to be ashamed of this and you don’t have to be so strong all the time.

It’s not your fault. All these thoughts and feelings, they’re not your fault.

You are precious. You are valuable, loved. You’re a very good person who bad things have happened to. Do not hate yourself. Don’t give up.

I know how you feel -it’s a never-ending tunnel and the only way out is death? Wrong, that is the depression talking.

I know it feels like you’ll never be happy again. And you feel like everyone is just fooling themselves. Can’t they see that life is cruel, meaningless and pointless?

I know you don’t know why this is happening to you. You don’t know why you feel like this so you are blaming yourself. You think you deserve it.
Well, you don’t. Nobody does.

Trust me, I’ve been there and now I’m out I know I was wrong. And it’s scary because I thought I was right. I am not ugly. I am not a bitch. I am not disgusting.

Life is good. People may not always be good. You may not always be good but this is human. Don’t be ashamed.

You’re a survivor. You made it through another day? That is, you being strong and fighting.

I have faith in you. I have faith in life. I have faith in hope and

Happiness.

We are survivors. I’ll see you at the end of the tunnel 🙂