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I heard them screaming every week at each other

My parents always fought when I was younger. I heard them screaming every week at each other. At first, I couldn’t stop crying with my brother but when I was 7, I began to be insensible about that. I stopped giving a shit about them and that’s when everything started. I hid my feelings in the back of my thought because if I didn’t, they would seriously hurt me. So, I grew up while ignoring my family problems and made sure that no one knows about how depress it makes me. I just threw a smile at my friends every morning. They thought that I was a really lucky girl because my parents always let me do things that I wanted to do but they didn’t know how difficult was my life. They all looked so happy with their moms and dads not like me. I knew that my dad was violent with my mom but I couldn’t stop him. Is scared too… I was scared of how my dad would react. I never thought that he would hit me too but I knew he would lie. He would lie to me by saying he was sorry and that he would never do that again… I was so scared of those words… I was so scared to know how bad my father could act. The worse is that I actually knew everything about his gambling addiction and his disrespect toward my mother. I knew but I said nothing… because I told myself that it was okay. Because I ignored my true feelings.

One day, I saw my dad quitting the house after a fight with my mom. He even screamed from our parking to the front door that was still open. He didn’t see me standing at my window. I was sure that he would return like all the other times but he did not. I heard that he stayed at his friend’s house for at least two weeks. When he finally returned, I didn’t talk to him about how worried I was. I just greeted him like I used to do.

When my dad and mom divorced, I wasn’t surprised but I was sad. They never told me. I learned the new when I was searching for some paper in my mom’s desk. I found by accident a letter of their divorce. Like I said, not surprised… just sad.

So, I continued to live with my mom and I was fine. To be honest, I didn’t want to live with my dad anymore. I was so tired and annoyed by him. I thought that my mom would never date again but when I caught her on dating site, I cried a lot. She was forced to delete her account. I felt bad for her but I didn’t want to share her with another man this time.

I still remember clearly the day she told us about a co-worker that she met not long ago. From the second that I heard her, I suspected something between them. I wasn’t sure but at that moment, I knew that the co-worker was not a random person. The next summer, I visited my family who lived in another country. My mom couldn’t stay because she had to work so she stayed most of the time in my hometown. I met him… the co-worker. I didn’t like him at all. Then, my aunt started to ask me how I would feel if my mother was “friend” with another man. My grandma also asked me that question few weeks later. I knew what they meant. I was sure that my mom was dating that man now and I broke down into tears in front of my cousin who live with me in my house.

Many years had pass and I accepted the new man in my family. I was glad that my mom could meet someone else. My relationship with my dad only got worst. I hate it when he calls me because I know he doesn’t care that much about me. Always the same question: How are you doing at school, Is your grandmother okay? Where’s your brother? Are you still injured? ”
I don’t want to see him again. I just want to know if he is healthy or not. I couldn’t stand him being sick.

 

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