I choose to write about learning about the true me.

Why do I write?

Kinda dumb question but it’s semi straight forward.

I write because sometimes it’s as true as I’ll ever be.

It seems I also write because I don’t know the truth about me.

I know it’s not supposed to be simple. I know the best kind never are.

What I’m really trying to say is I know what I want to do/endgame goal, make my impact in the world to be remembered, but how I get there is tricky. I’ve had several thoughts none of which are ideal to the parents. But as I’ve moved on in thought I used to think my biggest fear was not achieving it. Now I think making an impact that proves to be ultimately negative is worse.

I feel songs can be the key.

I don’t know who I truly am yet but I think they are a calling. I just need to push. I know I don’t show the emotions really well in person which I guess is why I started writing. I think I subconsciously noticed that if I write it people can imagine the emotions in their head.

I try to show is the important thing.

I’m writing this mostly because of how I’ve felt the pass couple of weeks. I’ve had this feeling before but this one isn’t ending. I think it’s the lack of purpose right now. I’m trying to find that purpose and I think in order TO find it is to find me.

In order to find me I think it’s important to know who I’m not going to be due to my will. Some joke that I’m going to have tons of wives/ can’t keep a girlfriend because of the unwilling or inability to show emotion. Whether it’s a joke or not I honestly do not care because it’s not who I am nor who I’m going to be. Now the big one alcoholism.

I understand how it runs in the god damn family. But if there’s something else the Watkins family is known for is being stubborn.

I know me enough to know the moron that can be my father is not me when it comes to alcohol. I will never in my life change my mind on this subject because that is not me.

I’m not broken, depressed, or sad. Just without purpose at the moment. I don’t have anybody that drives me to wake up in the morning just waking up for waking up. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from my life so far is that knowing things might grant you more power in the long run but little do many know that it’s a trade-off. No longer can you live in bliss. There’s bliss in simplicity but strength shown in complexity. I’m 15.