Hello everyone/someone,

I am not sure who is reading this but my story is run of the mill. Nothing special at all except that I think I love a guy like a million-other people.

So, I know this guy since I was 16 and I am now 24. We have been for most period of time friends though we also go through period of not talking. I shifted to a different city for college but we still kept in contact. The occasional message, meeting up when I came back to my city. I have been back to my city for 2 years now and we meet like almost every day a week some days and then I effectively avoid him for months and same pattern repeats.

The thing is I have tried everything to get over him, I mean we never dated but I still cannot get over him. Every relationship I have he is a dark looming shadow over it. I just keep feeling we are meant to be even though the logical part of my mind knows that is not true. He is in a relationship, slightly miserable but happy and most days I am happy with just being his friend but on some days, I go back to being the 16-year-old madly in love with him and I don’t know how to stop once and for all. I feel tormented because I want to love him but also, I want to love myself more.

I just think I deserve better only my heart seems adamant to hold on to a childhood crush and refuses to let go. I have tried distance, not talking, being with other people but at the end of the day that this not where I am meant to be keeps coming back and it keeps telling me he is who I should be with. All I want is to move forward and be free but I just can’t…. I don’t want to be in this one-sided love forever. I miss him every day still….