I had a dream last night and thought about it today.

In the dream, I was in the army and my sister was a lead commander of some sort. We were going to war with another faction the next day and I thought to myself, I’m all right with dying on the battlefield. At least this way I won’t be ending my life selfishly. I was basically comfortable with death and I felt relieved that I was finally going to die on legal terms. I am twenty-two years old…. I woke up to my parents screaming at each other after that. I envied my dream….