I’ve had one best friend for eight years, this is throughout my childhood. For the past two years, she has completely dropped me; for another friend. Someone she openly called her best friend. She left a big gaping hole in my heart. Not by the simple words of “…. is my best friend” but something more complex. Something more damaging to the well mature mind of an 8th grader who was already struggling with confidence in relationships. Generally, especially because of my parents. So, my best friend, the one person who I had what seemed to be an endless supply of loyalty towards suddenly treated me unfairly. She would call me out, for my body, my hair, the way I did anything, she’d ignore me, shut down conversation with a forced negative attitude. Almost as if I am being in the room with her caused her hives, or she learned to take me for granted because her new friend was better.

Fast forward, it’s almost been two years. This girl, is no longer what I call my best friend. I have a second-best friend and then from there I have eight more friends who have no particular tittle, but I do feel close enough to go to their house and spend time with them. But, no will replace her like she did with me. Actually, the only person that can take that tittle again is her, but not the her she is known or was. The her that I always needed, she can take the tittle back when she deserves it, after true apologies. I will always love her, and no that doesn’t mean I will always trust her, and I will most certainly not try to change her, with the exception of standing my ground. Currently, I have an empty slot of ranking, kind of reserved for the better her. And I guess it is odd to me because she has returned to calling me her best friend. I can’t return those words, I asked her if she was okay after her break up and she said it never affected her. I, being in complete shock told her a little chip of the story I saw, the hurtful things I encountered and she shrugged. I can’t blame her for being a little more on the apathetic side but this really clashed with me. None the less she didn’t apologize.

I wish that I would’ve spoken up a little more. Although looking back it was really difficult and the option literally felt out of reach. Just with the way “things just are the way they are” in that household. I was a young child who didn’t know, and that’s okay. (yes, I’m playing the child card)

It seemed like the crabbiness of comment or critique of something of that nature would rub off and effect the me more than her. Like negative comments were only there to bring the mood down and should be ignored, and do not come from places of honesty (sometimes). The reason why I wish I would’ve at least spoken to my friend was because she doesn’t know half of the things I went through. Looking back, she was a cold-hearted person who didn’t know how to hold a conversation. The only difference is now I am her best friend but I got ten.

Burned.

Thank you for reading, I hope my grammar was something you can live through. Also, I just want you to know this is my first story, and if my vocabulary seemed lacklustre that is because I am a terrible speller who can’t almost not breathe without spell check. I also can be a chronic procrastinator so I didn’t figure out spell check. If you can’t tell I also like runoff sentences and talking about myself.

Thank you again, I hope you found some happiness today.