I’m shouting, yet no one hears. I’m crying yet no one cares. The words “no point” are running through my head, the world hates me so why bother. No one knows the whole truth about me yet I can’t find the courage to speak out – they’ll judge me anyway.

If I say it, they’ll say it’s my own fault for getting myself into this. Yet, what could I do at that point and time – fear getting the better of me – a scared person trapped inside, who was manipulated by the horrible words of my only friend.

What could I do back then, not having anyone to lean on, not having anyone to speak to. “It’s okay, you’re just friends.” is what I heard on one side yet the other urged me to do otherwise. Which do I choose – listen to my family and get laughed at by everyone else or keep a secret and pretend I’m like everyone else?

Back then, friends were more important – reputation that I tried not to break and label myself as an outcast. Now, I wish I could spill everything and pour my heart out – say the words I’ve been meaning to say for the last 9 months. Yet my lips are sealed right, not even a breath escaping. The smile I’ve kept on is slowly breaking and I won’t hold on for any longer. I wish someone would say – tell me – that it’s okay to say it. That I can cry without them telling me there’s no point to cry. I wish someone would say they understand.