I’m not the type of girl that does anything wrong or without telling my parents what I’m doing. Well, lately I have been keeping a secret for so long and its eating me inside. I’m no longer a virgin, haven’t been since Wednesday, September 6 of this year.

I should have known better. I should have known better. I repeat this twice because it’s true, it’s what I keep telling myself to this day. That I fucked up, wishing that I could go back in time, but I can’t. He made promises to me, but what they were just empty promises. I didn’t regret it because it was just supposed to be him and me.

After that day, he didn’t talk to me. He pretended like I never existed. I didn’t know why, I kept on sending him text messages hoping he would answer. He never did, that was when I told him I was serious. We argued over Snapchat because he didn’t want to face me. He blamed me for what he happened. He told me that he started something with someone else and he wanted to finish it. I asked him if it was before or after we had sex. He couldn’t answer me, instead he blocked me.

The day after I couldn’t even go to school. I was so hurt that I couldn’t even get out of the car. My sister was right beside me and she’s two years younger than me. I hold on to my necklace with purity ring on it, that I never took off since I turned 15 in 2015. I gave her that ring because I no longer deserve to wear it. She calls in for me and I went with my grandma and told her what I went through.

Everyone keeps telling me to leave it alone to not do anything about it, but I can’t. He was my first.

Yesterday on Friday I saw him and I made sure that I would talk to him. He didn’t want to talk, so I followed him out the door, I was so wrapped up with emotions and he didn’t care. He didn’t care on how much he has hurt me.

After trying to confront him, a friend of mine told me he did the same thing to another girl. That angered me more. How can he just get away with that? Makes me wonder whose next week girl is going to be. What can I do so it doesn’t happen to another girl? How can I make him feel the same pain that he’s making me feel? Why can’t I just let it go like everyone is telling me? Why does it hurt so much?

I just want the pain to stop.