This is going to be long. But I really hope somebody sees this and comments on this.
Anyways I’ve been needing to talk to people, but I can’t really talk to my friend or family about it because I know they won’t understand.
When I was in kinder or first grade or near there I would always run out of the classroom. Every day. I mean like every day. I would get in a lot of trouble.
I have really bad anxiety, but I’ve always felt disconnected from almost everything really which is strange. I have 3 great friends. I laugh and spend memories with them, but I don’t feel human. I can feel pain of others. Physically and emotionally.
I can never sleep at night. I’m failing some of my classes in my school and I have this girl and other kids bullying me and I’m moving far away from the current state I’m in now.
I’m so depressed and I’m sick and tired of people telling me to talk to a psychologist. I don’t feel normal. I tend to get surprised when I look in the mirror sometimes. I don’t even look like… well who I really supposed to be.
I feel like my family is not even my family I feel so selfish saying that but it’s true. I’m so sorry this is lone. I just need somebody to understand. I cy every night. Wondering what it would feel like to be normal.
I wish I never even was on Earth. I feel so lost. I feel like I can’t trust anyone now. Not even my family. I feel so selfish. I’m scared. I’ve had so many bad things happen to me. I just want to belong. Belong to my planet or my realm or my universe.
But I guess that won’t be happening.
Hey… To be honest, I don’t really think that anybody feels “normal”. What is “normal” anyway? Is it what other people tell you you’re supposed to be like? No, that isn’t “normal”, that’s “popular”. And to be honest, most popular kids I’ve met have been mean to me, so I’m kinda glad that’s not you 🙂
I would never tell you to talk to a psychologist or that things will get better because that won’t do a darn thing. I can tell you that I once felt like you, but I ended up turning to Christ… And even if you don’t believe in religion, the verse that got me through things was Ephesians 2:10 “For you are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which he has prepared in advance for you to do.”
Essentially, I figured out that God has a purpose for my life, so even if I don’t feel like I belong, I do. If you don’t believe in a god, or religion, then please still be encouraged by this: everything happens for a reason. You are here for a reason. People do care about you, and even if you can’t feel it right now, you care for them as well. If you need more proof… Think about it this way: why would I go to all this trouble just to write one encouraging comment? I don’t know you and I never will, but I care about you.
Have your heard about the book The highly sensitive person by Elaine Aron? The group of highly sensitive people share some same features such as being vulnerable, having anxiety, feeling alone, feeling guilty, being scared of making mistakes, being hard to sleep and easily awaken. That book saves my soul. If you have not read it, I highly recommend it for you. I hope that can help you.
I can relate so much. Remember, life is short, and depression is one of, if not the worst emotion. Why spend what little time we all have sad? You’re never, ever alone. There’s always someone who cares. Everything will be alright 🙂