Ok guys so here’s my story.

I’m a Chinese American girl that’s currently 15. During the summer of 2016 I was asked to be a translator at an international summer camp in a university in my city. And I went. The camp lasted a week, and about halfway through that week I met a Chinese guy my age and we sort of became friends. I had developed a minor crush on him, and was kind of heartbroken when the week ended, and I had to say goodbye to him. To me then, it was a goodbye forever.

For the weeks afterward, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. One morning I was in bed and had a brilliant idea that I could study abroad, and study abroad in his school, since I’d learned where his school was previously. So, I put forth all I had to make that wish would come true. I contacted my school and teachers at the university that knew about the Chinese school, tried to get everything planned, tried my best to earn money by selling baked goods I made, etc. And btw my school did nothing to help me except after to let me go, so I pretty much was on my own.

In the beginning my parents weren’t really all too enthused with my idea, but then one day my mom came up to me and told me that they were going to let me go (and btw my parents knew nothing of this guy), and that they would give me the money I needed.

So during the second semester of my freshman year, I studied abroad. And boy was I devastated when I learned that that guy was no longer at the school I was going to, but was so smart that he had instead skipped the second semester as a 9th grader and had been promoted up to a “good” high school in the same city, and I got to watch the promotion ceremony. (in China 9th grade is still considered a middle schooler).

My half year abroad was ok, but I COULDN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT HIM. So, one day, I had another idea. I could study abroad in his school next year. And I once again put my plan to action. With a teachers help, I called his school and set up a meeting with the principal. Anyway, the principal agreed to accept me next year without much question, because I was an American and they’d never really met any Americans.

So my semester abroad ends. My parents aren’t really that happy that I’ll be going to China for another semester, but they said they would support my choices. I had previously planned to go during the first semester of 10th grade, but after rethinking decided to stay at my American school for another semester to make sure everything was running smoothly before heading back out again.

And that’s now. I’m nearly halfway through this first semester already. My parents had said they would respect my decisions, but recently I brought it up with my dad again and he said no. I haven’t asked my mom yet.

This time I would be able to pay most of it on my own. And it would also be significantly cheaper than last time. And I really, really want to go. But I’m afraid it might mess up my life in America. My job at McDs I just got. The many after school activities I’m in. My GPA and credits here. Possibly mess up my chance of getting into a good college. Everything. But I really want to go, and I really miss him.

There’s honestly not a day that goes by that I don’t think about him. Before I left for China, I had started writing in a journal. Now I’m on my fifth book. And most of it is about him. Yeah, that’s how obsessed I am about him. And it’s kind of crazy. Because I barely know him. And it’s not love, I’m just pretty much obsessed and I miss him. Plus, I can’t stand my family at times and also really want to go back to China.

So if I’m to go, I have to make a decision and act on it quick, because there’s only a little bit of time left. I’ve been sharing all sorts of articles on studying abroad with my parents and I plan on bringing it up with my mom soon.

And yeah, this is a really really long “question. But believe it or not I’m just kind of summarizing it up into facts everyone can understand. And I really don’t know. My heart says to back, but my brain says stay. What am I supposed to even Do? They say follow your heart, but would it be smart? (hey it RHYMES).