Your eyes stay locked to the screen. You dare not look to the left, for the fear of even just the slightest eye contact makes your heart pound. You don’t know how you feel as you type this. You know that this is just a cowardice distraction. You fidget your feet and fingers. As long as you don’t look to your left your anxiety will stay low.
You heart starts to pound. You hear her voice. You want to look, but can’t. You want to get to know her, but you can’t. The advice from your friend still floats in your thoughts. She suggested that you start out small and just say hi or good morning sometimes. You took the advice and said good morning.
After you said it you felt as if your heart was going to burst out of your chest. You felt sick. You feel sick now. You feel scared and worried. Different thoughts run through your mind. Many, many thoughts. Thoughts that help your self-confidence and thoughts that hurt it. Your mind is at a constant state of “staying on its toes”.
You start to panic, for no reason at all. You want to be free. Free from these feelings so that you can have a normal day for once. So, you can feel normal and calm, feel at peace. Alas, that won’t happen. So much fear and so little bravery. You wonder if you’ve used up all of your bravery when you said good morning.