Hi. I can’t sleep so I search the internet to post something that bothers me the most.

I’m dating a guy for more than a year now and I’m kind of sure that my relationship with him is a serious one. It means that it includes both our families and friends.

We don’t have a perfect relationship. We, most of the time, fight over things. And one of these is about his ex-girlfriend. It has been long enough for me to be assured that he is into me. But a part of me lie for feeling it.

I still feel he is in love or, uhmm, still have feelings for his 4-yr ex-girlfriend.

1. Out of the blue, the happenings or things connected to his ex, or such things, will pop to our conversation. He’s honest to me when he remembers her, but I am getting confused, day by day of our relationship.
2. His friends tease him or always making his ex-girlfriend’s life a topic, especially when she’s got a new partner. They even tell that the new guy is way better looking than my boyfriend, which affects him so much that he started to feel insecure about his looks.
3. They always compare me to his ex.
4. They have a lot of common friends. They did not end well so they are not talking to each other, but I can always sense his regret to it.
5. We talked about it most of the time and he’s always reassuring. But his action speaks otherwise.
6. He said he is over her anymore, but I saw him stalking her social media one time. We never share passwords or even our phones for personal reason. I just happen to see it when he was browsing and saw it on the search tool.

It made me feel:

1. UNCOMFORTABLE. It feels like a black hole. I feel like I am always on look out to his friends and secretly being compared to his ex, which is, really better than me. I accepted my real deal. I’m just an average person, but it still hurts you know.
2. PARANOID. He knows about this issue and we always actually fighting on this. So, it gets harder knowing that he is fully aware, yet it always happens.
3. JEALOUS. It sounds horrible, but I can’t help but feel jealous that in his eyes, I will always be the second love he will ever have. I want to clear that it shouldn’t matter if you are the first or second. But feeling like you can never be like her when it comes to his heart and you always feel it. It slowly kills you inside out.
4. INSECURE. I hate to admit it. Yeah, I feel like I’m in a competition for someone I know I can’t win. What should I do.

I love him. But I don’t know what to do!!! 🙁