Here I am alone as always, although he never sees how alone I really am. He always says that he is and will always be there. Still, I’m alone in a room alone why he goes around talking and laughing with everyone. It has been a year being with him and feeling so alone. Let me say where it all started.
It all started in February when I was just another college student with a boyfriend. Who knew the guy I love had a deeper love for something else. I didn’t know I never really knew exactly what was ever going on and still, I stayed around. Now I sit here and write my thoughts down, how wrong is it to have your so-called boyfriend talking to another female about her own personal issue because of some sad breakup or whatever.
Why should a female even feel like she can talk to my guy just because she is all sad and for him to just be ok with all of it like it’s just a part of nature. And I’m not supposed to feel any type of way about it? He feels like it’s a part of who he is, no that’s just another hoe ass move that you’re using to your advantage. I’m the one who suffers right because you’re just altogether not being fair, and I guess that just fine because it’s you.
No, a bitch shouldn’t feel that comfortable around another bitch’s man, but all day every day you let these bitches get comfortable and call that shit apart of your fucking personality. Who the fuck do you think that I am and why the fuck do you even think that its ok. But you want to feel some type of way when I start going off on bitching and fake ass n****s, telling me to calm down, but I wouldn’t have to be like this if you stand up and be the real ass n***a that you keep claiming to be.
No you would rather take on other bitches’ problems too instead of worrying about your so-called fiancées problem right. That’s cheating at its finest and you don’t see anything wrong with that shit at all. So, let me go fucking comfort a n***a why he sad bet you going to be feeling all types of ways about that shit. This is bullshit and I ask all the time why I got stuck with this it’s not even like what I’m thinking vs what I’m feeling and saying all at the same time.
Bitches just be pissing me off just to see if I strike and I can promise this to infinity and beyond that when I do strike, when I do tick, when I lose all my sanity and go flat out off, no one and I mean no one in or around me will be safe because every person has been a part of pissing me off. Has been a part of making me mad. Has been a part of creating this angry me that just expands day by day and second by second. So, the day I lose my cool I don’t want to hear the I’m sorry bs, I didn’t mean it bs, it wasn’t me bs, just any type of bs I’m not up for hearing I don’t want to hear shit not a word from anyone.
They just better pray that I either miss them by a lick or catch the flu that damn day because I’m shaking the whole damn house with everyone in it. I’m going to be punching on people that just look at me crazy, bitches that just pass by and say hi, bitch hi who fuck you!!! Won’t be no pleading because I will be damned that a n***a I fall in love with is about to fuck over me and get away with it.
Fuck these lame ass bitches that want to whine and cry about the soggy issue bitch you want to be a woman suck that shit up and keep it fucking moving or crawl in the sewer with IT the fucking clown and play with that n***a. Starting to lose a lot of respect for people or from day one I just never had any respect for them. Everywhere I turn its fake ass bummy bitches and n****s, I hate for my n***a to join in on one of those groups because he can’t handle his shitty ways and shitty issues.
Why the fuck should I even believe that you’re trying to be clean n***a you a whole lie in a half looking at me in my face high as fuck holding a flashlight and talking with a cigarette in your mouth. I wish you knew how you looked and I can’t describe it because it’s not like you care because other addicts love you and accept you so that’s all that even matters to you.