I’m going through depression and all I can say is, you have no idea how it feels like until you have one. One-day sadness does not equal what it feels like to be depressed.
If you don’t have depression, you have no idea what it feels like to have no purpose of living, waking up every day just to exist. Sleeping all day just because you don’t have anything to do, nothing that would bring you joy, nothing that would make life worth living.
You have no idea what it feels like to starve, just because you don’t see why you need that anymore. You have no idea what it feels like to hold a knife next to your veins and find no reasons to live. You don’t know, how it feels to pass out every night just because you cried too much, you don’t know how it feels like to hide it from your family, to act like you’re fine. It’s almost impossible to smile to others, when you’re screaming inside. It’s like war with yourself, you wake up wondering, if you will be dead by the next day.
You don’t even have control of your actions. You just sit there, after taking five-hour nap and wonder, why should you even bother to eat, to shower, to drink, to do anything. You just sit there and think, who would miss me, if I cut my veins this very second? You just think, how happy people are who think they are depressed, but run happily after a few hours.
They have no idea, what it feels like to fight with yourself to survive. They don’t know how hard it is to get out of bed and drink a glass of water, so you don’t dehydrate. They don’t know how hard it is to reply to a text “how are you?” They don’t even have a clue how it feels like and they don’t appreciate it. I’m so sorry for people going through depression, because it’s way harder than you would think. Hiding it from your family, acting just fine and passing out from crying is not something you want to feel. It’s not something you should feel. People are supposed to be fine, be happy to be alive. People shouldn’t fight with themselves over their life. It’s not fine. It’s definitely not okay.
please share your problem with someone you think can help you in this situation… it is a mental problem you can not deal it alone.. surround yourself with positive thought.. i can understand your vulnerability. god bless you.
I have chronic depression and after I quit taking adderall (a stimulant med for ADHD) my depression became debilitating. I slept for 18/24 hours a day for months, nothing brought me joy and I felt like an ashamed loser. When I was taking adderall I took 4-5x the highest recommended dose. I wasn’t working and I was spending absurd amounts of money and going to great lengths to feed the habit. I could go on and on but I’ll fast forward to today. It’s been 4 or 5 years since I quit that horrible drug and I am still dealing with some depression symptoms but I am light years beyond where I was even despite the fact that I’m getting a divorce and I’m losing my home to foreclosure. And one of the biggest things that got me through was my family-even just knowing they were there. I also didn’t take for granted how lucky I was to have family to support me because some people have no one to reach out to. Just trying to hide your pain is exhausting-like the way you said how hard it was to answer a simple how are you text. Before I told my family I too found those texts to be exhausting-I had to wake up to answer them.
If you don’t mind my asking-do you live alone and do you work? Please tell your family and contact a therapist. Read self help book (you can get them shipped until you have the strength to go out to buy one in the store). These things are actions you’re taking to pull yourself out of this and this in itself will give you that first glimmer of hope. I take antidepressants too and your therapist may determine that that would help you.
I have had more than one relative commit suicide and I know I felt angry-why did he hide it. We would have been there for him and now he’s gone forever. Take back your life and seek help. You can’t do this alone and you don’t have to!