I’m a 14-year-old boy, and I’m so lucky to have everything I do, a supportive family, a nice home, good friends, and plenty of other privileges that I’m so grateful for but I can’t help but feel hopeless.
I wake up dreading the day in front of me almost every day, just wishing I could follow one of my passions, spend time with, my friends, or even just relax and listen to music or watch a show, but instead, I go to high school, and, with lots of effort, get through my day. I get home, do my homework, go to my sports practice, and then go to sleep wishing I didn’t have to go through the same routine again. I know this sound soo cliche, so much like the typical rebellious teen type of thing to say, but I really do feel that if I wasn’t locked into the cycle of school work and stress, and cramming useless information into my brain, I would be able to spend my time doing things that truly make me happy. But there’s nothing I can do to change my situation, I am forced to fall asleep and wake up feeling depressed, hopeless, and held back from my potential.
The worst part is that even though I know that there will be so many happy and amazing parts in my life, the pessimistic side of me knows that I’m going to be in high school for the next 3 and a half years, then I’m going to go to college for a while, then end up in yet another monotonous cycle of work that will leave me unsatisfied with my life and wish I could do what I want. But that’s the issue, all I want to do with my life is the world, surfing all the best beaches, ski the best mountains, and explore all the beauty that the world has to offer, not knowing what pure joy the next day will bring me. But I can’t do that without money, so we’re back to square one, stuck in the endless cycle of just getting through each day, not really enjoying any part of it, but just getting by to feel the same way about the next day.
Also, I know that I could talk to someone about this, but I don’t know anyone who will listen to me and be able to help me in any because I know that the best advice for me is to either change my dream and follow a different passion or to go through all the pain and work hard to make the dream happen, but the monotony of the work would kill me, and by the time I had the money to do it, I would be too old to be able to surf, ski, and actually appreciate every part of it.
I don’t even know why I’m doing this, telling the internet about this, I just feel so hopeless and I’m not willing to just get by each day, I want to live through and enjoy each day, but don’t know how when I can’t help but think that no matter what path I choose, I won’t be satisfied. Thank you for reading my rant, it means a lot to me to get my story out, even if only one person reads it, I just want to know if there is anyone else that feels the same way or if I’m just being an ungrateful, typical, rebellious, moody teen
Your story reminded me of my youngest son ,he was always commenting about feeling stuck in a dead end cycle of school life .
He was extremely bright and had a very curious personality and needed to be on the move and chatting incessantly to his peers .
He hates the uniformity of school as a teen and was always getting into trouble from teachers for shouting out answers and being a nuisance.
He started to hang out with a group of peers who had similar interests in cross bikes and rugby union and they also experimented with cannabis.
I believe this affected his personality and he became very depressed in mood and couldn’t see a future .He would often say he couldn’t envisage a future as there was nothing he felt engaged with sufficiently to seek a future in it .
His teachers despaired of him succeeding in his GCSE exams but he did prove them wrong and gained all 10 at high grades.
Long story short he landed an apprenticeship in engineering with an international company .
He passed his first year and was about to start the second year when he was killed in a tragic road accident whilst riding his beloved crosser.
He was just 17 years old and we miss him so much every single day .
What you are going through is just normal teenage stuff and it will pass eventually .
Just take each day as it comes and try to swap things around a bit so the days are at least less monotonous .
Find out if there’s a pastoral officer at school whom you can chat to or contact mind online .
Sometimes you just need to look from the outside by sharing thoughts with a professional listener .
Good luck !