Every night, I sit on my windowsill and watch the stars, listening to the wind in the trees and wondering what life is like right now on the opposite side of the planet, is it warm? Do they know I’m thinking of them? Who is just waking up and who, like me, cannot shut off? Who is walking their dog and who is caring for their children? Is it daylight or is it bleak skies? I find it humbling that it is thundering and cold in one country and all shorts and Pina coladas elsewhere. It gives me the dumbfounded hope that the grass may very well be greener on the other side
When I wake up in a morning, the first thing I think of when I open my eyes is a different life, just a new start
It’s not at all that I am unhappy with my current life, I just want to feel like I’m alive to work, not working to stay alive.
I want to move away, I see pictures of friends abroad, with their toes in the sand and leaning on a palm tree with the sun radiating their faces. I promise it’s not as cliché as it sounds…
I want to live, to breathe the damp fruitful air next to a beautiful hidden waterfall in the Amazon; to dig my toes into the sand of Miami beach; to watch the sunset sat on the bonnet of a car overlooking the Grand Canyon; to walk to streets that thousands more have before me. I want to meet new people, pioneer myself and explore the land I was so gratefully given a life on.
I live in the UK and I am an almost 20-year-old girl, a student at that, studying a Master’s degree in mental health nursing. My google history is full of recent searches for ‘the top ten best countries to migrate to for nurses’, I just can’t help but search, knowledge build and fantasize about waking up in a different country, with different people surrounding the area of which I am building a new life, new environments, new smells, sights, and sounds.
One day I will make that move, for me, myself, and I.
Many find it scary that at such a tender age of 19 I have decided I want to leave everything I have ever known, every face I have familiarised myself with and every smell and sound behind. I am not scared.
The urge to be someone new and prosper somewhere else builds every day, like a growing fire deep inside my soul. It is not a dangerous fire, or intimidating. It is exhilarating and curious.
4 years I will spend, on my windowsill, wondering what is. Until the day that I, myself, go on that journey and the what if, turns to; what is. It will be a reality.
But for now, I’m just an almost 20-year-old student, and they are just stars in the sky, and wind in the trees
For now, I am stuck