Too be honest, I wish he would understand what he put me through. That this completely messed me up so badly, it’s not fair. Like I knew every single girl he cheated on me with and I seen all the messages of him saying such sweet and sexual things that he never does say to me. I just feel stupid and self-conscious about myself every second of the day.
He thinks that I should just get over it and forget about and that I should trust him but it’s so hard when he gets on his phone and all I can think about is wonder who he is talking to now or wonder which girl he is looking at and that turn’s him on. I don’t know what to believe anymore because everything that comes out of his mouth I think is a lie. I just wish he would have left me then cheated.
I just love him so much and I cannot bring myself to leave him, he is the most important thing to me. Like I want to believe him and trust him, but I can’t. My heart won’t let me, I am honestly so scared to get too close to him, I’m so scared he will want other females again. I feel like I disappoint him a lot and I feel like I’m not good enough for him.
All the other girls that he has talked too and got pictures from, makes me feel like a fat gross person. I feel like I’m not good enough and that I’m not even beautiful enough for anyone. I wish I felt different about myself, but I don’t. Before all this happened, I used to have a lot of confidence and thought that I was beautiful but now since I got cheated on, everything feels different too me. I feel like it’s all my fault.
Some days I feel like he doesn’t actually love me at all, I know he still looks up all the girls he used to get nudes from and still follows them and likes their pictures. I just want to scream so loud until my voice gives out. I hate this feeling. It’s literally driving me insane. All I think about is him talking to girls and all the other girls he used to talk too. I shouldn’t think about it as much as I do but it literally drives me crazy when I just look at them and think, they got the attention that I deserved.
He doesn’t understand what I’m going through, when I try to talk about it he doesn’t want to listen to me, he tells me it’s always the same shit and it’s not fair! I just want him to listen to me?
I completely get your story in every way and I’m currently in the exact same situation. They seem to think that its easy to just let it go and move on like nothing ever happened. They don’t even realize that the emotional damage that it did is more than any physical damage could ever do. And why can’t they just talk to us, why can’t they understand our pain. Why does it have to always be that they don’t want to talk about it and they are not going to listen because its always the same thing. They want us to make it easier for them but yet they don’t want to make it easier on our hearts and help us deal with it. I’m so sorry, I wish I knew you because I could use to have someone to talk to and vent to that understands exactly what I’m going through.