Too be honest, I wish he would understand what he put me through. That this completely messed me up so badly, it’s not fair. Like I knew every single girl he cheated on me with and I seen all the messages of him saying such sweet and sexual things that he never does say to me. I just feel stupid and self-conscious about myself every second of the day.
He thinks that I should just get over it and forget about and that I should trust him but it’s so hard when he gets on his phone and all I can think about is wonder who he is talking to now or wonder which girl he is looking at and that turn’s him on. I don’t know what to believe anymore because everything that comes out of his mouth I think is a lie. I just wish he would have left me then cheated.
I just love him so much and I cannot bring myself to leave him, he is the most important thing to me. Like I want to believe him and trust him, but I can’t. My heart won’t let me, I am honestly so scared to get too close to him, I’m so scared he will want other females again. I feel like I disappoint him a lot and I feel like I’m not good enough for him.
All the other girls that he has talked too and got pictures from, makes me feel like a fat gross person. I feel like I’m not good enough and that I’m not even beautiful enough for anyone. I wish I felt different about myself, but I don’t. Before all this happened, I used to have a lot of confidence and thought that I was beautiful but now since I got cheated on, everything feels different too me. I feel like it’s all my fault.
Some days I feel like he doesn’t actually love me at all, I know he still looks up all the girls he used to get nudes from and still follows them and likes their pictures. I just want to scream so loud until my voice gives out. I hate this feeling. It’s literally driving me insane. All I think about is him talking to girls and all the other girls he used to talk too. I shouldn’t think about it as much as I do but it literally drives me crazy when I just look at them and think, they got the attention that I deserved.
He doesn’t understand what I’m going through, when I try to talk about it he doesn’t want to listen to me, he tells me it’s always the same shit and it’s not fair! I just want him to listen to me?