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I had a “good” best friend

Nobody will see this, and nobody will care, but my name is Sophia and I am a middle schooler in Tennessee.

A few years back before my life was full of sadness, I had a “good” best friend. She used to be super nice to me. Sure, she was a bit of an idiot from time to time, but she was always there for me and I was there for her. When my sixth-grade year started I noticed a change in her behaviour. She went from my best friend to the friend who abandons me. I drew some fan art for something I loved and lost it in the lawn at my school.

The next week it was on a locker and everyone saw it. I was on the edge of going over there without being noticed. I was shy in sixth grade and I hated it when people saw me near my art. Then my “friend” said: HA! What kind of loser would like that stuff. That drawing looks like it took 5 seconds to do. It is so bad. I silently agreed trying to hold back the tears.

Then my “friends” started calling me satin. They knew that I believe in god and this deeply upset me. I told them to stop, but they did not. I was an outcast and a loser now. I started thinking nobody loved me. I thought I was stupid and they hated me, and they would be better off without me. I kept going though.

I always wanted to animate and that kept me going. I noticed every day I hated myself. Nothing could make me smile anymore. If I did smile, it was a fake one. I gained depression and social anxiety. Then I noticed that these two girls were admiring my art on the locker. They were saying such kind things! I never talked to them until they talked to me.

The first time I spoke back to them saying hello sounded like: H-h-he-hello. We later became friends and I noticed they were always kinder to me than my old friends. I later told one of them I had depression but never mentioned my anxiety. They also had depression and we started reaching out for each other more.

When they found out I had social anxiety is when I was chosen to dance in front of the whole freaking school… I had a bad panic attack backstage. I started talking to myself about my anxiety. They were also back there with other girls and walked in right on time to watch me talk bad about myself and my and my anxiety. Right in the middle of a panic attack. The other girl knew what was happening and tried to help me breath. It ended in about 3 minutes after that. When they asked me to tell them I burst into a puddle of tears and told them everything. I still face all of my problems today, but at least I know people are there for me. That is all that matters.

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