You know, if he really cared he wouldn’t do it anymore. But doesn’t that make it my fault then? Why am I complaining and why am I crying because my feelings are hurt? I see that he obviously doesn’t care, but I continue to cry because he doesn’t care. I have given him all my heart, I have given him all my secrets, I have given him all my attention.
He has all of me in every way, I am entirely devoted to him and yet he doesn’t care. Why do I expect more from him? Why am I so in love with someone that doesn’t love me? He tells me that he loves me, he says that he cares, he tells me that he wants to be with me. Hell, even tells me that I’m the woman of his dreams. Actions, he doesn’t show me that he cares, he doesn’t show me that I’m the woman of his dreams.
I live in fear of him leaving me, now this isn’t his fault. I’m a damaged individual, used to people walking out of my life. Because of my fear I do need a little more from him. I need him to help me with my fears, I need him to love me in a way that I know that I never need to be afraid again. I need so badly for us to have an open and honest relationship. I’m terrified of secrets, but he needs secrets.
My eyes burn from all the tears, my heart can’t take another band-aid. I can’t physically, mentally, or emotionally take another lashing from him. I’m broken from all the negative things that he has said about me. Still he tells me that I need to love myself and I need self-confidence. Hard to build my self-confidence when I’m given the longest list of all the things that are wrong with me. My biggest fear in life is spending it alone, but I’m starting to feel like I’m going to be alone anyway. If he cared he wouldn’t mind talking to me, he would want to do things with me, and he wouldn’t want to see me cry anymore.