I was corned to a rusty bar, full of decision, fear, love, and regrets. People around me are like a cold breeze of wind, whenever I go my life swiftly change direction. I don’t understand why people around me is treating me like this.

It hurts so much, even my families, relatives are fighting for one another, and especially the place that I am right now. It is really true that one mistake, can destroy an individual’s relationship. People I’ve been through are like that, they can’t forgive me anymore.

Regrets like that, I destroyed my own world and now it’s hitting me harder than I thought. I’m thinking of leaving without a trace, I won’t be notice anyway. I should pay for the problems I did and suffer from it.

I don’t have anyone right now, even the girl I loved hesitated to forgive me. She had a pride, and I know that I’m not the right one for her. For my mission to be accomplished, I just wanted her to have a successful life like she always told me. I want to see it before I go on my own.

My family… I can’t understand them. No expression, no motivation, not that I like to say this, but it’s unfair in my case. I’m like a last option, an object of what “they” want from me, controlling me, conquering everything that I want which is a result to what I am now. A person with fear, trauma, loneliness, and low self-esteem.

I am blessed with an ability to think straight even in this kind of situation, I won’t let myself killed or even think of a single rebellion. It would be best for myself to push bit by bit, into this bar, even if it hurts so much, even if anyone left me, I will try and try to move.

My primary plan may change, but my goal is still set to being free from this traumatic experience. I wanted to be freed from the eyes and ears of judgements. I wanted to be happy with my girl, hoping if she is still the one. Else if I can’t handle any of these terrors, please forgive me God for making quick decisions.