Let me start off by saying that I’ve been a bad wife. I’ve been married for about ten years, but our sex life has always been very vanilla. As of late, even when he has pursued sex, I have said no, sometimes out of spite. We hadn’t had sex in a long, long time. I had met someone who was charming and begun having an affair. Sex with him was incredible. It was wild and spontaneous and amazing. However, one night, after I had gone to bed, satisfied earlier that day from my lover going down on me, my husband decided to peruse my phone. We had always tried to be secretive, deleting our texts. But what I had forgotten to delete was a short video on my phone, a close-up of him fucking me.
I was roughly and abruptly awaken with him angry and my phone in his hand. I had no words, I was caught red handed. I saw my marriage quickly going into shambles and I tried to make things better. I pleaded with him how sorry I was and that I would end it, that I wanted him and not this other man. Through gritted teeth he told me I wasn’t sorry enough. He put down the phone and started forcefully making out with me. He got on top of me and began ripping off my pyjamas. I was scared. He had never done anything like this before. After my pyjamas had been torn from my naked body, he forced me to go down on him. I would say he is larger than the average man, and his force was making me gag. Then he got on top of me. I knew what was going to happen. My husband was going to rape me. And I felt like I deserved it.
He shoved himself into my pussy. It hurt. I was not very turned on and as I said he was large. He never really could get all the way in me, but that night he proved he could. I started crying. He kept going. He told me if his wife wanted to be a whore, he was going to fuck her like a whore. It was so painful. I had never seen him so aggressive with me before. Tears were rolling down my face when he started to grunt and cum inside me. When he was done he just got off of me and passed out. I was sobbing, sore, bleeding, and leaking as I felt so ashamed for bringing this on myself.
Things have been awkward to say the least and I’m not really sure what to do. At times I feel like it really was my fault and I got what I deserved. All comments appreciated without judgement.