As I escape from the realms of high school, I feel a sense sadness but at the same time a burden is being lifted from my shoulders that were constantly pushed down. To put it in simpler words, high school was not very happy, and neither was it positive,
To the person who broke me physically and emotionally,
I trusted you. So much. Yet, all you did was trample all over my innocent, aching heart. You say you were drunk but that is no excuse. You took advantage of a girl that considered you so close. You came back apologetic yet the only reason for that was because you say you couldn’t live with yourself. I could feel your extremely hard dick pressed against my vagina as you attempted to kiss me. Through the course of our meeting you could hardly keep your hands off of me. As I went to sleep that night I cried (it was the first and last time) for the selfishness you came with, yet I forgave you. Why? because after everything, somewhere deep down I still cared. The only question that constantly occurred to me was would you do this to your mother? To your sister? To someone who you love? The day it happened I felt dirty. Used. Despicable. I had never felt so ugly in my life before even as my aunt called me names, or my uncles loved my sisters more. I grew numb with pain. Tears would still not fall. Why? Because I was in denial about it. At that point you knew I was hurting as I got out of a painful relationship and yet took advantage of my skin. You did all of this to satisfy your sexual desire. But I’m also very grateful to you because you showed me how shallow the world is. How toxic the world is? As I look back at it now, you never deserved the friendship I gave you.
To the person who broke my heart,
Where do I start? From the time you treated me like a rebound? Or from the time you broke up with me on snapchat? Or from the time you treated me like trash after I was taken advantage of? Or from the time you told me you didn’t know whether you were ever over you ex? Or the time you made your friends create a group and rip me apart there? Or should I mention, the time you believed you did nothing wrong? You ripped me part and I still believe I hurt about it. How could I let you do this to me? You were not the only one going through hell. Yet, every time I brought my story up you would say I’m going through a tough phase too. what you did was completely unforgivable, yet I forgave you because my love for you was so pure (unlike yours)
What sucks the most is that when I tell people my story, they jerk it off as either a growing up thing or laugh it off saying its dumb. But you were wrong all of you. As I sit here typing this letter, I realize how much pent up emotion I have in me. It took a toll on me. On my health. On my academics. On my life. I’m unable to openly express myself with the fear of being judged moreover I can’t laugh openly anymore. The sparkle that used to reside within me has gone. You can’t see the slight twinkle in my eye to indicate pure joy anymore. Neither can I trust anymore. I realized that people are only there for the short run.
What affected me probably the most was people branding me as attention seeking or calling me out in an email that went to the entire school (Yes, it really did happen). I tried to not let it get to me and people would say let it go. But it isn’t that easy. I was shattered (and as I write this letter, I still think I am). I try to show people that I’m fine because I do not want to give them the satisfaction neither do I want their pity. But on the inside, I’m still crumbling.
Finally, to all the people who are my friends,
Yeah, a few of you were there for me through the days where I could see little light. But to the others who told me to “chill” and “at least it’s over now” as I started opening up to you. Fuck each and every one of you. You broke me little by little and started hitting at my now destroyed self-confidence. It was one thing I didn’t want to hear. Instead, all I needed to hear was “it’s okay, we’re right here” you just needed to hug me. So as a result, I decided to become everyone else’s pillars of strength. I would take care of each and every one of you. At the end, none of you bastards were even grateful. I know you went through your share of things but that doesn’t mean you don’t listen to me. This letter might come across as slightly hypocritical and rather selfish but right now my only response to that is, I need to be angry with the world just this once. Not once did I feel bad for myself. I just want someone to listen to me. Really listen to me.
Finally, to the people who were there for me,
I thank you and I am sorry for pushing you away. Thank you for believing in me but I am done fighting the world for now so if you want to talk to text me or call me. But I am exhausted, and I need my break.