Some people say that kids are too young to know what love is. Yes, kids aren’t necessarily sure what real love is.
Me, I’m a kid telling you that we don’t all know what love is. But I’m also here to tell you that some of us got a taste of it and didn’t even know until it was gone.
See I may only be in my early teenage years and about to start High School, but I was sure that I had almost gotten a small taste in love.
It all started at the beginning of the school year. Last year of Middle School. A new kid had arrived, he moved from Texas and I remember thinking he was pretty cute. It wasn’t until towards the middle of the year where we became friends, pretty close friends at that. I introduced him to my other friends and shortly after we became a group of super close friends. He and one of my friends started getting closer but at the time I thought nothing of it.
A couple of months later I couldn’t stop talking about him. I’d always talk about him to my two best friends. I’d always make fun of him and my friend because they acted like a married couple. It wasn’t long later when I realized I had feelings for him. I felt stupid for not noticing before since I’d get a little jealous of him and my friend and how close they’ve become.
Two weeks went by of me trying to hide my feelings hoping that they would go away but to no avail. We ended up going to a baseball game for a field trip and after a while I spotted my friend and him sitting next to each other having a good time. I mean don’t get me wrong I was having fun I was sitting by my best friends, but I found myself getting super jealous super-fast. I remember getting up to go get food and he followed me down. We waited in line for food together talking and laughing until my friend came down and saw me with him. To be honest she’s one of my closest friends so I wasn’t going to be a jerk, and neither was she, but we were both clearly jealous of each other.
After the trip a week of boring school went by and I remember getting up in the morning and being so happy because he was in my advisory and I’d get to see him first thing in the morning. Well we went to go see the movie truth or dare (which was good by the way). He’d always predict when there would be a jump scare and trust me there were plenty (they all got me). Anyways whenever he’d think there was a jump scare he’d make a noise in my ear and I’d jump. A week went by after that and I thought that maybe he like me too, he’d walk with me to most of my classes and always cheer me up when I was down. And then yesterday came, April 19th, we had just finished our MCA testing and my friend who lies him, her best friend started to smack him.
We were walking to our lockers when I told him that she was really mad at him. He nodded and laughed then said he thinks he knows why. I asked him why and what he told me next shattered me. He told me that it was because he was taking my friend who likes him on a date this weekend.
I remember looking at him like my world just came crashing down and asked him to see what I heard was true and he nodded indicating it was true, he was taking her on a date. I walked away from him and to my locker. Tears were threatening my eyes, but I did my best to hold them back. I told my best friend what had happened when we were walking to the busses and that’s when a few tears slipped. Right when I walked into my house I broke into heavy sobs. I cried for four hours straight.
The next day at school which happened to be today I mainly tried to avoid him but not because I was mad, but because I was broken, and I needed to put myself back together and it didn’t help when I thought I was starting to so to get over it then he’d smile at me and I’d have to start all over again. I got home and texted him. I told him that I was sorry for trying to avoid him all day and I was just trying to cope with something. I then went outside with my sister and a song came on and after listening to it I had realized that I need to step back.
I ended up texting my friend knowing that after doing this I’d never be able to have him to myself in the future. I texted her and I told her that I liked the same guy as her and as much as it’s killing me I’m stepping back so she can have him. I sent the text and instantly broke down. Although as much as I hated it I knew It was the right thing to do, I don’t want to lose a friend because I like a guy. I face timed my best friend after I sent it and I told her what I did, and she’s been trying to cheer me up ever since.
So, tell me this, you all say that us kids don’t know what love is, but then why does this hurt so bad? How could this feel so bad if deep down somewhere I didn’t love him?