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My mum told me she was ashamed of me

Every time I sleep, I have to remember who I am. It’s getting worse each day. Sometimes I can’t remember at all. Nobody knows how bad it really is. I long to be back in the coma.

I’m going to leave my story here,

I was raped as a 15yo boy, after my parents decided to put me on the streets, they don’t even know.

I nearly got stabbed twice, shot at, gun to my head twice, I had one good friend die in my arms. I always knew my life would be different, I never did understand why.

I went thru hard times until I was 21 and ended up in a coma, where I found peace.

After coming around, I found out my best friend had my gf and my baby was aborted because it was his.

They said I wouldn’t survive, but I did, they said I may never walk again, so I threw myself off the bed over and over again, until I eventually was.

I am so strong yet so weak. I fell in love, only to be tortured, I had a beautiful baby boy, only to lose him after his first birthday.

I told the social services what would happen, that my boy will be hurt, they didn’t listen to me, instead, they blamed me.

After I lost him, I needed to be reborn, that’s when I became, Tyler Evolution. I have the same names as Brad Pitt in fight club. Evo is my middle name.

I also got a tattoo to protect my new start, it’s a Maori tattoo and it protects and guides me. I’m just not sure it’s working. It’s made me an outcast.

When I got the tattoo, my mum told me she was ashamed of me, and that she would not be seen in public with me. Although she eventually came around and looked like she accepted me, the pain from her words are still strong.

After 4 years, I found my boy was beaten and abused, physically and mentally, just as I had predicted, only they could not blame me and there was no justice.

He is with my mum now, my own mother that abused me, and I worry about him every day. I worry that she will turn on him like she turned on me several times.

10 years passed after the coma, I finally got compensation, £250,000. It went to my head, I couldn’t control myself and it lasted under two years. I had a great time. Lots of clothes and cars mainly.

I fell in love again, only to realize she just wanted the money. I fell into depression, so I threw myself into work, 136+hrs per week at times, despite living in my car and various hostels.

The council refused to help me, instead they punished me for working. The hostel threw me out for working also. I refused to stop working, I refused to go back to life after the coma, I hated not working, I hated it so much.

So, I was back in my car, but I lost my job and driving licence on the same day. The 19th October 2017, I found out I couldn’t drive because I had been caught speeding over a year before, I also found out my job was ending. It just happened to be on my boy’s birthday, 19/10/10 is his birthday.

I was going to live in my car again, I knew that this may happen, I saw it coming, so I had been doing some work as a gay escort thru sleepy boy website and viva street ads.

The jobs were ok ish at first but then it went wrong quickly.

I was raped by a group twice. In hotels. After the first time, I wanted to stop but the finance company wanted to take my car, so I had to keep doing it.

After the second time I didn’t stop completely, but was trying to be more careful, which made me too afraid to meet anyone and had no work.

I found this guy, he asked me to stay with him, he saved my life. The car went, and I was stuck. The guy now regularly does things to me, I wish I could get out.

Most days I stay in the house, crying, I’m very good at hiding it, nobody knows.

I have no friends, no family. And nobody will employ me because of my tattoo on my face.

The short-term memory loss is getting worse, the flashbacks are getting worse, it’s getting harder to hide it.

I just want peace, I want it to stop. I know there’s only one way out. I just don’t want anyone else to hurt after I’m gone. I’m almost there, almost.

There’s a lot of blanks in this story which could be filled but it’s hard for me to write this, it has taken me a long time already.

It just shows how much a human can survive, and still be able to smile, fake smile, but smile none the less.

Tyler Evo x

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