I’m a mess tonight.
I guess you could say I’m just a swirling vessel of confusion.
It’s like a spindly ball of web replaced my brains.
I’m confused and angry and upset.
I hate this, I support what you’re doing, I love you.
I miss you.
I’m trying not to be clingy, I’m trying not to be needy.
I know that it will only hold you back.
You’re so amazing and gutsy and I was always weak willed.
But when you’re not here I feel so ungrounded.
Like I’m just a thin layer of cloud that’s going to blow away.
I don’t want to be a burden, I know that it will only cause trouble.
…It’s lonely without you here.
When you’re not around I look at my life and I see that there’s nothing.
I found it so easy to be around you I forgot.
I forgot to make friends.
I forgot to have a life.
I forgot to build up my world.
Because… you are my world.
When you’re not here it’s like a room without a light bulb.
The darkness fills every corner and everything is so bleak.
I built my everything around you and when you’re gone it falls apart.
I fall apart.
But when I see you and you smile and you’re happy…
You ask If I’m okay?
You seem so at peace with yourself.
I’m pathetic at everything else…
But I’m only good at this…
A peaceful lie.
I smile and nod and act politely.
Excuse myself from our dull small talking acting as if It’s fine.
Because for you…I will be okay.
Even If I’m not.