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Men will always look at other girls

Every relationship is different, yet the same. At least that’s what everyone keeps telling me. The nature and manner of every relationship is unique. However, the one reoccurring concept that I keep finding is “men will always look at other girls.” And while I understand that it’s natural to look and be interested, that doesn’t mean that it’s okay. But why is everyone telling me differently?

Everyone is telling me that it’s okay. That all guys look, so instead of complaining and being offended by it, I should just let it be. That although he looks at others, he still loves you and would never leave you or cheat on you. Now while I deeply know that the latter is the truth in my relationship, does that mean I should just listen and conform to the norms that society has created for our gender roles? That I should just accept the fact that he will always be looking at other girls, because “men will always look at other girls?”

I don’t know how your relationship is, but mine is becoming tough for me to swallow and turn a blind eye to these behaviours. When I am not with him, he will go out of his way to look up hot girls. He even does it at night when I’m sleeping right next to him and he can’t sleep. But these aren’t just any hot girls. These are hot girls that he went to high school with or just random hot girls he somehow knows about from our area.

I’d much rather he looks up celebrities or models or random raunchy accounts. But when he looks up these girls that he knows or that live in our area, it hurts and scares me more because these girls are tangible.

These girls are attainable. They could easily be his next if something were to happen. I’d much rather he looks at celebrities and models and raunchy accounts of people that are FAR away from us and are just simply unattainable. I’d rather he just watches porn all the time than look at these “attainable” girls. Why can’t I be the only girl in his eyes? Because of everything, I question whether I’m the only girl in his heart.

I know I am… but I’m beginning to doubt myself. Rather than doubting him, I’m doubting myself. I doubt whether or not I am good enough for him, pretty enough for him, smart enough for him, or just enough for him in general. Does there not exist a guy that will only have eyes for the girl that he is with? For the girl that he loves? Don’t get me wrong, he is absolutely perfect. An absolute gentleman. Kind, passionate, driven and just everything I ever wanted in a man. He’s just rather in touch with his primal Neanderthal instincts. I love him, but I want to be mad at him. I want him to know that I know. I want him to know my anger and hurt. I want him to apologize. To comfort and console me. Because the truth of the matter is that, I would never do it.

There has never been an argument or controversy of any sort where he apologized. Where he admitted that he was wrong. I don’t know how, but it always ends with me apologizing, when all I really want is an apology from him. I just want to know that he feels bad. That he feels guilty. That he knows that what he’s doing is wrong, but he can’t help but do it anyways. Am I asking for too much? Maybe I am.

At the end of the day, I don’t think anything will change. We’ve been together for almost three years now and not to sound like every other brat, hipster millennial out there, but I’m sure I’m going to marry and spend the rest of my life with him. We’ve known each other about 6-7 years prior to dating. We’re perfect for each other in every way possible. This is the only issue that I’ve ever had with him. Perhaps I should be more open minded. More accepting. More understanding.

Regardless, I feel all I can do is teach my future son(s) how I feel is the correct way to treat a woman.

One Comment

  1. I completely understand how you feel. It is NOT okay and I openly expressed that to my significant other recently. This way I got a better understanding about what his perspective was. Not to mention that I felt great after our conversation. It felt like I broke down a massive wall (i.e my insecurities) that was slowly being built after I noticed him looking at specific women. That feeling that “I am not enough” is like a cancerous virus that will slowly eat everything and cause you to nitpick lots–and I mean, lots–of small things.

    Seeing as you have a long history with him prior to the relationship and now, I would assume it will be okay to tell him how you feel. Relationships are all about communication–at least to me–and being open with your emotions. Especially when marriage is in the picture.

    I have no idea how or if this comment will help you, but I DO hope you don’t feel this way ever again. I want you to know that, “it’s okay, if it’s not okay”. Meaning that it’s okay to voice your opinion and tell others to your opinion. You do not have to be a follower to this logic of “its okay if he looks at other girls” because he supposedly “only has you in his eyes”. Last time I checked, that mentality led to a lot of cheating, divorces, and dysfunctional families.

    Sometimes love can be blinding and, I had to learn that the hard way. However, I hope you and your significant other will be able to overcome this….together.

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