My story? More like the first 3-4 chapters, because I wanted to give up and let this story close, but I won’t, and I hope you, whoever you are won’t either! My life isn’t the worst I know that and thank heaven it isn’t because I struggle with what I do have. I thought as a kid life was made. (I’m still a kid but I mean 0-8.)
I had three best friends and we had plans to move out and have homes near each other and let our kids be friends. We even planned how we were going to die old together, and they’re out there. well if my friends ask I say 7th grade is where it started, not true. I have always felt left out, forgotten, and unloved. I so often would complain about being with this group. Because I was pulled in every possible way and none at all. Honestly if I could just stop being so clingy I would have been saved by Jr. High and not torn apart.
I lost them in quick succession, one to band, one to another school and the last, and who I called my best friend, who understood me like no one else. Well she left to new people, but she was my best friend, so I followed her. Ignored daily, left behind, and when I actually was with her, I was made fun of and torn down. I skipped so much school I was so close to going to court. And all because I wouldn’t let go and make friends. I did make a few but didn’t see that what I found was what friends really looked like. I was just thrown off by the fake love notes one friend put in my locker. I left her when I should have left my best friend because yes what she did was not kind, but when we reconnected 2 years later she’s one of the people that I trust with everything and she supports me. Anyway, best friend (mostly my own doing) but I believed no friend would care, so why would my family. WHY should I, (and detail for those of you of you who care, I thought why would a god.)
I spent more than 3 years believing the last 2 I just don’t normally admit that. The friend one was always the battle of why don’t they prefer me over her. (still a problem [more so with guys]) so I at the point of 9th grade was done. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for the random chance of meeting a weird, dumb, smart, funny guy. I slowly trusted him, gave him my number and he changed my life.
He changed the way I see/ saw school. When I woke up and dreaded being ignored by my “best friend” I would get up because this guy made my day bright and fun. I will never find a way to Thank him enough! Well with my attitude changed, new friends, and will to live for my friends, I gave high school a rock-solid shot and with very few misses. Most not worth mentioning. But I will say I thought I had a HS romance… yeah lasted a month, did have my first kiss though. spent the summer before Senior year avoiding him and by the time I went back to school I was “over him”. we were friends, and then I find out he and my new true best friend (one of any way) were French kissing in the back of his car!
I didn’t try to claim him, this solved any lingering feelings, but I was more than concerned. And when he broke her heart in the same way he had broken mine, yeah than I was truly mad, but she’s spending the summer pinning and working with him at a camp all summer, so I can’t get rid of him without leaving a friend who just got played like I did. To be fair other than when it comes to girls I like this guy, he just SUCKS when romantics when involved.
Yeah still struggling with them, but HS was great, besides my concussion which left me doubting who I was, the guy from 9th grade helped when that was a problem. He’s my angle on earth! But now I’m wondering what I do next. I am going to collage but have no major, have no friends yet, and the guy I have spent the past 4 years telling my problems to, he’s going on a mission leaving me wishing that I had… well him. Friend are my life weather that’s good or bad it’s true. And I can’t stop thinking that my best guy friend will never return, that he’ll die. so that’s my life so far. no happy ending, because this girl has the world to face and I’m terrified! (but willing to try, because it’s what he’d tell me to do. so, I plan to smile, fight tears, thoughts of my past, make friends, find my path, and hopefully not fall in the dark deep hole he pulled me from, because I can hear it calling, it’s too close for Comfort, and waiting for my will to snap. so yeah, I’m scared because this next chapter I’m on my own. But it won’t stop me from trying!
