Why they had me

I’m so sick of how everyone in this house is treating me.

I’m always the bad one and no matter what I’m the stupid one although I’m studying in pilote school its school for brilliant pupils and he did not get to enter.

I’m the bad one although I pray and he doesn’t (I’m a muslin).

They never care if I’m not okay they never try to listen to me I hate the way with which they are treating me I have tried everything.

Are not your parents the ones who supposed to be there for you to understand you to encourage you I don’t understand why they had me!!!

To compare me every day with their older son!!! To tell that I’m less beautiful less intelligent less creative that I’m not worth of anything!!!

How I’m supposed to have confidence to know my worth to have self-esteem.

When all I hear is he is better then you well maybe he is but I’m good too I’m good and I’m your child too why you keep forget that.

When no one give a fuck about me crying that crying become.

Well l yes I need attention.

I really need someone to save me someone to see what I’m seeing in myself someone who value my someone who truly listen to me and who remind me constantly of my worth who tell me every day that I’m beautiful until I get used to hear it so I don’t get confused and anxious every time I hear it someone who believe in my ability.

Someone who tell me that yes I can do anything I want that I can reach the sky if I want to someone who believe in me just as much as I do I don’t want to live alone I don’t want to feel lonely anymore I want to find a home a true one.

I don’t want to die but sometimes I wish I was not born at the first place.

I feel that pain I get used to it but it stills there it wakes up every now and then.

And then they blame me why you are never satisfied why you always ask for more things.

Well honey you raised me to be this way to hate myself to ask or things trying to fill the emptiness you created in me.

I’m a lost girl who cannot find her purpose in life because all she is thinking about is why they had her if they were not willing to care about her.