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From today, its been 5 years already after we broke up

Hello, I come here because I don’t think like to share about this with my friend and the platform make me easy since I can post my story anonymously. My name is Mea and my ex name is Issac.

I’ve met this guy, his name Issac, he loved me and I loved him so much. Our relationship stay for 1 year, he never been in this long relationship with anyone else but only with ne before, not for me I had 3 years relationship with my first love. Okay back to our story, untill one day he left me to further his study, and for few day he’s so fucking busy with his life there though its only 2 or 3 days in the university if i’m not mistaken. I don’t know what’s wrong me, I need his attention, I need him, I want to talk with him, but he ignored me. So I decided to brake up, and he said ‘okay’ only okay. I said that just to gain back his attention but he’s so fucking easy replied back with an okay.

Day by passed, he keep calling me every night around 2 am. Even though he already have a girlfriend, he cried to me saying that ”No matter how many girls I met here, there no one like you”.

He tried to get back with me, but my heart break into piece on our birthday before he said those things to me (we share the same birthday actually), he post kinda sweet tweet to her new girlfriend on our birthday, posted sweet picture while its only few week after we broke up. How easy yo do that? How I’m not feel so frustrated and disappointed?

Months by months, we still contact each other, he have a lot of exes, and I still there accompanied him when he called me at 2AM. What i’m afraid of so much is oblivion, I dont want to be forgotten by someone I love so much. I feel like myself is being options to him. The things keep going after 2 years. And my feeling towards him never changed.

So, I heard so many bad things he committed to his ex girlfriends. Like mostly his ex girlfriends will come to me and share their problems with me. I was so sad knowing all the truth and what else than a big disappointment. But the reality is, after I tried to rebuke him, talk to him that those things aren’t good and he say sorry to me. At once, he broke up with his girlfriend and next, his another girlfriend also being left broken hearted by him, just like what he did to me but after all I never feel to hate him, I love him that’s all I knew.

From today, its been 5 years already after we broke up. 5 years doesn’t enough for me to get over him completely. Last he called me up when I was in semester 3 and now I’ve finished my 6th semester so summed up around 1 years and a half something. That last time I talked to him he invited me to go out with him since he’s around my collage and we have huge fought just because the reason, I don’t want to hear anything about him anymore especially when its come from his exes. I don’t want to have any business or matter to him. I made my mind that time, I don’t need him anymore, I’m not going to be his option to run when he have problems to share with. I can’t stand holding how that so many years hurts me so much. Thats the real good bye untill now.

And here my unsent latter for my irreplaceable love.
I wrote on October 13, 2018.

Hi Issac, been so long huh didnt call me? Don’t you miss me?
Because I did, just if you know how horrible I cried because of you last night. Because I miss you,
Because I still love you,
I dreamt of you, I saw you in my dream and I woke up I realized that’s only a dream that far away from the reality.

Maybe I can pretend infront all of my friends and my family that I’m moved on but the truth is only me knew.

I knew that, deep inside my heart still you in there.
This love is so real tear sucker.
After so many years, today 13/10/18 I cried again for you like crazy, because I did miss you and I can’t hold it anymore.

I knew you’ve changed your number, and I knew the other ways to contact you but my ego don’t let myself to do so.

I respect your relationship. I do, I respect your decision to left me.
I’m happy to see you happy, I knew you happy. I knew, but right now I really need you here

be with me.

I don’t ask for get back, i dont ask us to be reunited again like 5 years ago. Noooo.

I just need to talk to you, because I’m dying miss you. I’ve tried so many time to open my heart, to accept someone but I tent to be alone because I love you. I’m sorry.

I’m sorry for the unsettled feeling, I am sorry.
I am sorry,
because I still love you and I can’t to be honest with you about this feeling.

Maybe, it takes 10 years, 15 years to completely forgetting you, but I’m trying best to forget you, and erase all those memories here in my heart and my mind.
Let this feeling be like this, don’t ask me to forget you, because when the time come, i’ll. Trust me, one find day I can replace with someone that love me, just need a little more years because for now I still afraid to be with someone. I’m afraid for being hurted or hurt someone.

It’s okay, i’ll be okay.
I’ll be okay
And okay.
Okay.

Till then, good bye my love Issac.

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