I always wanted a normal family. My father was a coke addict who fled his country to avoid the army. He was an abusive cheat which caused my mother who had a long history of sexual abuse to become an alcoholic. When I was around 7 I began looking after my sister who was around 4 as my dad wouldn’t come home for days and when he did he would shout and be abusive and sometimes bring his friends who would hang out and do coke together. My mother drank herself away and would usually be passed out on the floor covered in sick. They were both constantly in and out of jail.
After years of social services involvement and care proceedings my father who ill call X as he doesn’t deserve the title had custody of us and wouldn’t let us see our mother for a year until she finally got custody of us and he left us. We didn’t see him for 7 years and my mother was still an alcoholic and had another child my brother who I became another babysitter of. Living on a bad estate I turned to crime, theft drugs and weapons. I saw people stabbed and a child murdered.
I hated coming home so I chose to stay at my best friends who became basically my sisters house. Her mother was a crack head and her father was in jail. It was basically a crack house but I felt safe around her and her 4 sisters so we would take care of each other. After an incident on our estate many of my friends had to move away including myself as well as being kicked out by the landlord, and my best friend fled to the other side of the country to escape their abusive dad. I was left all alone today. I see her every few years or months now but i miss her and all my other friends who had become my family.
My mum sent me to a holy school full of privileged rich kids who’s worst problem was having vegetables for dinner. My friends there although not the most richest have beautiful families who love each other and all live together happily. It annoys me when my friends complain about their families forcing them to go out for family days out and spending time and only arguing over a messy room. They don’t appreciate them. The things I would do for that.
I was recently sexual assaulted. I am depressed and suicidal my mum is slowly killing herself my brother has a rare disease and we don’t have the finances for his treatment.
Reading your life story has made me realize the things I thought were problems are truly not. Please don’t ever think of exiting this life. You have yet to see the beauty after all this dust settles. You have many people to inspire and change their lives. I feel you will be finding a very purposeful life beyond all the chaos in your life right now. The hardest battle is fighting your emotions and depression. Please find the strength to continue on to become stronger and wiser beyond your years. ?