There’s a lot of things I’ve done in my life that I regret, but the worst thing I ever did was hurt one of my best friends. The worse thing was it wasn’t called for, I did it because I felt like we were drifting apart, and I thought playing the victim would make her feel bad for me and only concentrate on me.
I thought that making myself look so weak she would always be there for me, but I was wrong, I just made her hate me. And the thing is I don’t even blame her, I don’t understand how she stuck around that long.
Honestly the thing I want most in the world right now is just to have her back, but I know it’s never going to happen, because I’m the bad person. It was me, always me, I pulled her down and put her through petty dramas. And for what? My own satisfaction of having her there.
I didn’t deserve her from the start and now that I’ve lost her it makes me sick, I have no one to talk to, no one to laugh with. However, it’s all my own fault, I did this to myself and now I have to live with the knowledge I pushed away one of the nest people in the world.