Dad keeps making me stressed. So does Sister. So does school. It’s happening again. The same thing that happened only a couple of weeks ago. I believe it was October 5 when it began.
I should explain. Basically, Sister came into my room and I shouted at her to get out. I called my dad and Sister told him that I ‘Always come into her room’. I then told him that I always knock and wait. My dad said to tell him if I was ever in her room. She said okay and left.
Later, Sister went into the bathroom downstairs, leaving the door open. I stood about a foot away from her and asked her what she was doing, then she turned around and walked into me and then started shouting. ‘Get out! Get Out! Get out!’ Like I had told her earlier. My dad heard and shouted at me without even knowing the FULL STORY. Fricking ridiculous. I’m so angry. I wish Sister just would stay away from me and stop getting me into trouble for no reason. Like, I tried to tell my dad the full story but he just shouted over me and told my to leave Sister alone.
And I try to tell my mam and dad that I never get listened to. But then when I keep talking they keep talking over me. And when I’m talking, they talk over me, then I talk louder and they say, “Why do you always shout.” I tell them it’s because of them but then they talk over me again and don’t listen. I don’t have a voice in this world and frankly, I don’t think I ever will, because how you are treated when you are young, reflects on how you will act when you’re older. I have made a public figure of myself. Quiet, nice happy and smart. In my real life, I am dealing with stress, I pretend to smile and different from my thoughts all these years that my family has only recently made me aware of, ,is I’m not funny. They are nice, don’t get me wrong. I just can’t believe they treat me like this. I’m sick of it. I have two lives and I don’t matter in either one.
Points to talk to them about.
I don’t have a voice.
I am not listened to anywhere.
I’m struggling with constant stress.
I want to sit downstairs with them and watch telly, but I’m shushed on every thought and Everything I say turns into a conversation of every single thing I’ve ever said wrong. But, I’m not wrong, I’m just different.
I tell jokes and then everybody tells me how funny I’m not and they tell me every time I’ve ruined a joke. Even though I’m trying my best to connect with them.
I try to make life better for everyone, but frankly, I’m just a vessel to hold all their anger in until I cry to sleep at night. I don’t want to shout and I don’t want to pretend, but It’s all I know at this point and it’s just natural now. I’m going on two years of faking. Since I stared my new school.