I’m so… empty.
I feel guilt, sadness, and pain, also with hints of hunger.
There’s this amazing person who almost everybody has a crush on. They all hang out with him and have a good time, and all I do is just do nothing at home.
It sucks because I have social anxiety and can’t do anything about trying to become his friend. It’s too straining for me.
It’s a new type of hurt that I’m the only one preventing myself from doing anything, you know? I know it sounds weird, but I feel like we both want to connect and get closer to each other. The only problem is that it could just be my brain playing tricks on me. He’s everything everybody wants, a nice athletic person who works hard in school and is really kind. It sounds so so basic to say but it’s true. I’ve been in a low because of my crave for love that can’t happen. I’ve been doing everything to try and reduce my negative thoughts, from eating to exercise classes. Now this.
The brain’s so complicated to break down.
I’ve been gaining weight. I’ve been doing worse in classes. I’ve been isolating myself.
All of this is the result for the craving of touch and love. I need reassurance.
But, why is he worth it? Why am I taking longer to forget him than I did with other boys?
It’s all so stupid and I hope I’ll either stop this altogether or I find a better way around this negative bullshit.