I started dating this guy about a year ago and never expected our relationship to get so serious. I’m still in high school and this was my first relationship. I fell madly in love with him and he fell in love with me as well.
It was great and happy and we loved being together. After 2 months of us dating he started to open up about his home life. His family was very messed up and he had a lot of unresolved childhood trauma, although he’s an extremely intelligent person and was able to cope well by himself. I was a pretty sheltered person so hearing about his struggles was very difficult but I tried to be there for him as much as I could, even if it meant it was hard for me to hear. About 6 months into the relationship we lost our virginities to each other. That only brought us closer.
We were so in love and determined to stay together for a long time. Things changed when we were together for 8 months. His father passed away from suicide and he had to move across the country to where his mom lived (they were divorced). He went through (and still is) going through a really dark period but I supported him through it and tried to take on all the struggles of long distance and spent hours on the phone trying to motivate him again. At one point he disappeared for a week from his phone after leaning on me so heavily for support. I completely lost it. I was so worried about him and thought something bad must’ve happened to him. It turns out he was checked in a pysch hospital.
Hearing that completely destroyed me. I cared so much about him that sometimes it felt like I was feeling the same things he did and I was so sad from all the horrible things that had happened to him. He got out after a couple days and was apparently checked in for no reason, other than it being a leverage for his stepmom for the custody battle between his mom and stepmom. Through more therapy and our chats he started to get a little better but the long distance was breaking us apart. I was in a bad state of mind trying to cope with everything that happened so quickly, I’m still unsure why I was so connected to him, I think it was because of how I made him a priority in my life for such a long time and all the effort I’d make to keep him happy everyday. And now there was nothing for me to do.
One day he suggested an open relationship, which he explained meant we would date other people while still being together…because long distance was difficult. I wasn’t happy but I accepted because I was so desperate to be with him. I later found out he was cheating on me and flirting with other girls which led him to suggesting the open relationship. One night after seeing him cuddled up with some girl on his snapchat, in a rage, I called a friend to spend time with. I met up with him and we had a great night just talking and laughing. Seeing him made me happy and he made me realize my long distance bf is not the only thing in the world. We kept spending time together and eventually a romance ensued. Eventually I told my long distance bf about this new relationship I was in. He was very very angry, the thing with him and the other girl didn’t work out and now that I had someone… he was very jealous. He called me horrible things and screamed at me on the phone but later apologized. I kept dating the other guy for a month and then I visited my long distance bf across the country. We had an amazing weekend, it was like things never changed. When I got back the guy I was seeing told me he didn’t want a “half relationship” and that if I wanted to be with him, I’d have to end things with my long distance bf. I told my long distance bf the ultimatum and he agreed. He forced me to end things with the guy here but then I decided to stay quiet and not talk to either of the guys and focus on myself for a few weeks. I started to come to my senses again, doing things that made me happy and being myself. I felt great. One night my long distance bf began harassing me and being verbally abusive for staying quiet. He called me a whore and many things someone should never say to another human. He didn’t sound like himself, he sounded like a completely different person. I also figured out he was sending and getting nudes from many other girls (although he made me end my relationship with the guy here and made me promise we’d stay monogamous).
He was also vaping since he moved and started smoking weed (all while underage). I wasn’t surprised about the girls because he always seemed to be eyeing other girls but this time was the last straw. I want to end this relationship, it’s long distance, he isn’t moving back or able to visit, we’re very very young, and he has many issues to sort out. He’s a good, resilient, intelligent person, loves me very much but he’s lost right now and making bad decisions. I want to be free and I don’t want to take care of him anymore. We always argue and he wants me to constantly make him a priority but now I want to do things for myself. I don’t need a relationship right now but I may continue casually dating the other guy, but I definitely don’t want anything serious if I do. Just some fun in the midst of important things like school and the many extracurriculars I’m in. I’m scared of ending the long distance relationship because I know it’ll make his life worse. He claims to love me so much and he’s determined to marry me and says I’m the only good thing in his life at the moment. What should I do?
