Today I stopped using YouTube for two months, after an argument with my mom on how much I spent time on entertainment instead of studying.

I am a person who solely relies on YouTube for his/her entertainment. I listen to music on YouTube and watch anime on it. Sometimes I watch a documentary on it, watch vlogs and sometimes to treat myself after a long study session.

But now suddenly my life feels empty. I don’t have anything to do. Even if I studied for some time and I want to treat myself I can’t because I can’t use it anymore. I don’t have an escape from the tiring boring reality. I can’t escape from the reality that even though I am a bit good at what I am doing right now, I don’t enjoy it that much.

I live in stories my stories others stories everyone’s stories. I enjoy living in novels in books in anime and in manga maybe even write one, one day but I can’t. Without money without someone’s support, I cant.

I want to blame someone right now but I can’t blame anyone one for my condition except myself. I feel if I could have been a just little braver, a little more hard-working, a bit more intelligent, I could have done better.

Maybe I would be writing a story right now instead of this.