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After I spent half an hour talking with …

After I spent half an hour talking with a customer service lady and all the work I did to get our internet back online my mom just steals the modem and says I had one day to use it so it’s fair enough for the time I spent on the phone with a strangers. I need my space and I’m not getting it. Locks are supposed to keep people out not tell them to break in. Half the frame of my door is broken off and the lock is off the door and there is a huge wound on the ankle side of the door. I got the internet back for my brother and all I get in return is stay outside and don’t come in. I’ve been sitting in the trunk of my dad’s car who isn’t here for about five hours crying to myself. It hurts to know the one thing I did to help everyone gets wasted and I receive no thanks or sense of any sign of appreciation. After we got it fixed my brother told me not to use the internet that I only use it to play video games. Should I not at least get a thank you for getting the internet back online? My life is a mess. My friends aren’t friends. I can’t talk to anyone and I’m shut into my own isolated areas drowning myself with music and having no social life with anyone. Even in life I’m a socially awkward kid, a wallflower you would say. I don’t have anyone who loves me who would actually care if I disappeared someone who wouldn’t move on if I was gone. It’s not that I want anyone to stay in the past but I just want to know I matter to people. I haven’t had a real friend since ever and now I’ve gotten to know one good friend but I cannot even possibly connect with my friend throughout all this chaos. It hurts me to say that I’m not part of my family and I don’t belong in this family. All I am is a pain to others and maybe that means I should just go ahead and die because no one really needs me. It makes me feel like crap that I’m the piece of meat that no one wants that gets spat out and stomped over. I’m the trash of society I suppose. My dad said once that I look like shit maybe I am. It’s starting to get to me all these years with thoughtless parents who don’t even know their children. I’m their third chance their third son and I guess they’ve given up. They’ve given up before they even tried. I’m that hopeless. I have no future and I’ll end up like those homeless who live off of trash because something happened in their life something that they couldn’t change something that was just inevitable. I guess I’ve always been homeless. I’m a runaway child who doesn’t deserve to have a family. I’m just the part no one wants. I really wish I could run away and live a life where I’m in control not the people around me. I wish I could have my own job where I can say that I own something and no one can take it away from me. I wish I could say that I actually own something. I bond better with friends on the internet than I do in real life. I communicate better on the internet than I do with y parents. Internet is my life and my parents have stolen it like it was theirs to steal. Like I don’t own my life. All my life I wish I got a chance to share my mind but that would scare everyone off. I’m kind of the kid who sits in a corner who no one cares about and is depressed all their life because they have no friends and no social experiences so they keep to themselves and live life for nothing with no reason to live but to live just for the hell of it.

One Comment

  1. Sweetheart.. Please don’t be upset for what u have in ua life.. its all god given have trust on him.  N dis is not permanent as time passes u vil get back ua freedom. 

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