Here is my story.. I’m confuse if I’m in love or just infatuated with my guy friend..
So here is what happened, I’m currently working abroad and I just had my 3 month vacation that ended just a few days ago.
What happened was I had sex with my friend 2 days prior to my departure.

It all started when I had a misunderstanding with my friend 1 month after my arrival to our country due to financial misunderstanding. Because of that we didn’t talk much while I was on my vacation, he admitted to me that he was trying to stay away from me because he was upset to me. And when I arranged an outing for our friends he told me that he was not coming, so since then I didn’t talk to him any more.. But on the day of our swimming he called me and told me that he was on his way to the resort.. So I was happy about it. When he arrived we didn’t talk to each other much. After the outing I txted him and thanked him for coming. I also asked him if he wants to have coffee with me and he agreed. After coffee we decided to talk more in my house.
Time pass by, I didn’t notice that it was past midnight already and then he started to hug me… I thought he hug me because he want to make up with me because of our misunderstanding before, but when he hugged me he suddenly kissed me. I asked him why he did that and he told me he likes me, but he has a girlfriend already. So I asked him how come he likes me if he has a girlfriend already. He said that he likes me already even a few year back. He didn’t pursue to his feelings because I was committed to his best friend that time…
I admit, I also like him, I was actually the first one to like him. Since 2012 I already like him, its just that I have a boyfriend before that’s why I just let my feelings for him passed.
But now that I’m single already I thought that there will be no problem about us… But there is, well actually I was his best friend’s mistress.. That’s the biggest reason why we cant be together. Because of my dark past. He told me that he loves me but he cant be with me because of my past, he is very much concerned to what other people will say. Especially his parents. Which I understand, really… that’s why I told him that its okay with me to stay friends with him. But deep inside of me I was really hurt because he judged me already because of my dark past. I cant blame him because it was my fault anyway.its just that I’m asking myself if am I really not going to find someone who will love me and accept me for who I am?
That night even though he told me clearly that we cant be together I still allowed myself to have sex with him, simply because I want to be happy for the last time, even just before I leave the country. Because I know once I leave, it will also be the end of my feelings for him..

Now that I’m back in the country where I am working we still txt each other sometimes. And he still tells me that he loves and misses me.
I’m so confuse, he still txt me knowing that we can never be together. What is he thinking.. I’m also confuse if I love him or I just like him. Please help me…