I am one of the guys that gets along with girls but never actually feel anything. It can be hard sometimes when you try to see something more in relationship and you just end up empty.
Everything changed when I have met Ashley. She was different. I have never seen her rude or acting to feel better than anyone. It was strange when I was talking to her because I can’t tell why but I was alwys sharing everything with her… even things I’d rather not say. She was doing the same in return. I treated her as a friend.
It changed when I called her and I heard her crying. I don’t now why but I have instantly came to her. I thought it is best thing to do but I regret that I didn’t leave her alone. When we met she started talking. She just shared with me a story about a guy she loves. They have met 2 years before I saw her for the first time. She said that they were acting like friends with some benefits but the only one who was in love was her. She explained that she spent entire years just trying to change his mind to love her back. He was just playing with her, he used that Ash was looking at him like on God himself. Even thought they talked about feelings a lot he never changed his view and remained a friend. I have heard everything, so I asked if is it over, why she is crying?
It wasn’t getting better. She was about to see him, but she was all alone. He didn’t showed up. I tried to cheer her up. I took her to park, give her some reasons to laugh, and spent some fun time. When it was over and she walked back home I felt something. Everything I got from her was some hugs, smiles and talks. But I felt like we were meant to each other. For the first time in my life.
So the weeks passed we were chatting sometimes, sadly she almost always mentioned some story with this heartless dude. I meet her friends, they were really nice but almost always they were embarrassing me with questions about me and Ashley being lovers. I was trying to miss the answer. Everything changed when I after some birthday party of one of our buddy’s. We were standing on bus station joking and just chatting. Unfortunately we started talking serious. I don’t remember everything but one part of it will stay in my mind forever.

Ash: Actually I was pretty scared when I met you that I’d fall in love.
Me: Why is it so scary?
Ash:Don’t think about it. Already all comments about us being together annoy me.
Me: They annoy me more than you can think…
Ash: Why?
Me: Because I feel we are more than friends.
Ash: I think the same, Why didn’t u tell me?
Me: When? When you were crying your heart out?
Ash: Never mind. It won’t work anyway. I don’t love you in the same way I love another. If I stayed with you it would be a little sacrifice for me, because you are not him.
Me: How do you know it will happen eventually?
Ash:I just know. I really like you so I won’t make you hurt. I hope we can remain as friends.

I was just talking to her back but I didn’t thought about anything I say. I was ripped apart. First time I felt something and so does she, but some random douche make her unreacheable. No one is happy and I don’t know if I will be able to love again. I didn’t cried but I feel unable to feel something, anything. I probably should have stayed in the background just imitate living, just as I used to for the rest of my life.