idk how to say it but from last month I feel like I’m not who i was anymore. I have changed a lot and I don’t know what is exactly happening with me its like I will kill my self if ill be like this . And I don’t know why and how it started I feel like lazy and lot of anger like to smash someone face if anyone argue with me. Sometimes I feel like I will smash my head into the walls also I have lot of fear inside me that make me sick. I have a fever also and I don’t when is this gonna stop. I’m very scared right now and I don’t have anyone to speak with and I think everyone will think that I’m crazy talking rubbish and all. But I know what I’m feeling and I very hard to explain to anyone. I have only 2 friends and they are my best friends but still I cant share my feeling to them because I don’t know how they will react when they hear about me all this crap. I try to keep myself busy like watching movie and tv shows and it works sometimes, it makes my feel better also I go out sometimes and I just want to be out forever because I feel like I’m alive when I’m outside the house it feels different for me but I don’t have anyone to go with. These days my family noticed that I have been changed I argue with them alot. I begin shouting on my family and its very not good for my attitude. The most important thing in my life is my family and I cant live without them but sometimes I feel like to live my own ways. So no buddy can judge me for what I’m doing. Basically my life sucks as much and I don’t know for whom and why I’m writing this all rubbish. Maybe this will make me feel better or something. The truth is that I’m the responsible for my problems. I don’t know how to deal with myself, and some people said to me once that I don’t know how to make friends and I’m not the person who people like to make friend with. And so far I can see that nobody likes me and I’m just a useless guy who no one cares about. Some people use me and when they job done they threw me like I was nothing just a trash, sometimes I say to myself why I cant be like other people and make friends. I’m too afraid to make new friends now because maybe I cant handle more pain in my life again. It like I’m cursed or something no one care about me, its just me and myself fighting alone with my problems. Nobody give a damn to me and that’s the true. I lost my all hopes, and my friends. All my life I failed in everything, some of my class student says that why your even here , you don’t belong here with us. They say that because they are better than me and how many times I’ve tried to prove myself to them that I’m better that them I failed. I am a loser and I will be always a loser that’s what they says about me. No one liked me in school. Even the teachers hates me. It’s like a hell to me and I cant blame anyone accept myself because I’m the one who made myself like this .
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