I can’t breathe, I feel as though I am trapped in a deep dark hole, consisting of nothing, nothing at all. Just when I tried to open my eyes and heart all I could see are the negatives. Perhaps the only thing that I am thinking about that is positive actively is possible getting the hell out of my current life, routine.
My mother is quite supportive, however she might be a contributing factor to my feeling of being trapped. She for many years tolerates the emotionally abusive creature as such, my father. I don’t understand what in a humans mind allows them to abuse another, and his own children. I asked my mother, and she replied
Thankfully I am the last child of the 6 that they had, the physical abuse didn’t reach me but reached my mother, sisters, and brothers. However the emotional abuse still continues. One whilst I was a baby, my sister whom was three and I were trapped in a room whilst my father was beating my eldest sister to the point of bones being broken blood, I do not personally remember this, however my sister that was holding me does.
Do not mistake me the emotional abuse that I am not good enough and will never be still continues. I also witness till this day the emotional abuse against my mother, it is sad that I am the only one in my family brave enough to stand up against him, as the physical abuse he once use to inflict still resonates in their hearts and memories.
I am 17 years old, and this is just the inside of my household. When I leave the house I am still looked at, due to the colour of my skin and what is on my head. High school is not really a pleasant experiment either, however due to strength of my willingness to be educated, I still continue. Despite the constant bullying and names being called out.
I need to escape but where?