Right now I’m 3/4 months pregnant, I was engaged to the father to be, unfortunately we split up 2 days before I found out that I was pregnant. I sorta feel like my baby is the victim of a broken home already!!! We did the typical thing of trying to make it work for the sake of the baby, well that’s how I saw it but he said it was because he loves me and I’m really good for him. We broke up because he has addiction issues and I found out after I fell in love with him. So during the month I was basically living with him I have to admit, I felt really happy. We had our off days, my bad hormonel days were clashing with his bad days, so I would walk out of the house to get some. He would shout at me saying I’m running away from problems, but I saw it as leaving before the situation escalated. I’ve worked with people long enough to know how they are going to react next. About a week ago it was a bad day. I was sick and he was in a mood, so I left the house to get some rest. When I got back, he asked me to find somewhere else to sleep for that night, I said sure thing but bawled my eyes out the moment I was out of sight. He was barely a month clean and sober and September 21st would officially been a month. So the only thing that ran through my head was that he was gonna get drugs from his horrible dealer buddies in AA or NA. I left so quick that I forgot my keys, so I rang him and was crying and asked him to leave the keys with my brother next door. I kinda figured, I would be better to move out because he cant handle my emotional needs and I cant handle his addictions. I went to spend the night at my parents. I spent the Saturday in bed there with my Mom taking care of me. At 3am Sunday morning my sister was still smashing away on the keys of the keyboard and I just yelled told her to give it a rest because it was 3am and I’m sick and tired, so she went on the mic and complained to these internet people she pretends to be someone else with. I was so upset I left the house, it took me an hour to walk to my ex fiance/now ex boyfriends house. I rang my brother to see if he had the keys, the ex didn’t give them to him. So I rang the ex and he said it wasn’t his fault that I was upset and that maybe we shouldn’t see each other anymore and he wasn’t home anyway. Usually he spent moody weekends at a mates, I later found out he was in a drug dealers house in Carrick On Suir for these weekends, so I assumed the worst and thought he couldn’t even make it a month! I rang him the Monday because I had found out he had decided to go to Mitchelstown for the week that day. He told me where I could find the keys because he didn’t trust my brother he said. He also said he didn’t want me to move out but just for one night. When I went there Tuesday to pack my stuff, to my surprise it was already packed! I cried again! Then I rang him and said I personally have no reason to go to Mitchelstown and he said that’s my own fault and hung up on me. You see, he sister says I have to go to Mitchelstown because I’m pregnant with their niece or nephew and their dads grandchild and its unfair that none of his family have met me. Not one family member tried coming down to meet me while I was dating him or engaged to him, the excuse was that they have kids. The person that I am, I tried compromising saying I’ll meet them in Cork City or Cahir, I don’t have a car or much money to travel. The sister said they have children but they’ll wait for me to go to Mitchelstown and their dad ain’t getting younger. These people are not related to me, they are related to my unborn child. I have not denied them rights of being aunts, uncles and a granddad. I especially haven’t denied rights to the father to be. I want my child’s father to be involved. I am hoping though that I can get legal paperwork to say that he can see his child one day a week as long as he passes a weekly drug test. That has to be the way for at least 5 years and then we can renegotiate custody. I have no idea about how to go about it. After the ex got back from Mitchelstown, he asked could he take me to lunch, so I agreed. I knew by his tone it was one of his moody weekends, so that meant he was gonna get smoke somewhere. I asked him not to lie to me. I did the horrible thing of logging into his Facebook and read the fact that he had asked 2 people could they get him smoke. I cant give out to him for doing something wrong because I read his messages! I realize now I just to put this baby FIRST, me second and try to have little to no contact with the ex because even though I love him, I don’t trust him and I know he’s bad for me. I cant say he’s bad for the baby because I don’t know that yet! Right now, I feel alone and still want him and I don’t like feeling rejected but I know he’s just gonna be an alcoholic drug addict, I don’t think holding his baby would change that either because he is definitely the type of personality who wont change.
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