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I met my siblings for the first time

A few months ago I met my sister and brothers for the first time. It was something I can’t describe with words. I have never known them yet I’ve known of them. I used to not be able to tell you their names or how many of them there are. It was too sad for me, the thought I might never be able to. Facebook helped me find my sister and that’s where it started. None of us are adults yet, that’s the problem. They live with mom and I live with my dad (we all have different dads it seems). My dad doesn’t know I met them, I fear if he did he might go crazy. His relationship with mom ended horrible and my whole life he only told me bad things about her. Nonetheless, I wanted to know my siblings. Turns out I’m one of 7. I couldn’t ask for a more beautiful family, but even after meeting them things are hard. I still can’t let my father know, so I tip-toe around trying to talk to them on the phone when he’s not there. I’m fighting to find a way to spend time with them without causing suspicion on my dad’s part. He is very paranoid and doesn’t want me to be anywhere near my mother. But when your siblings live with your mom what can you do? It was hard in itself to talk to her, someone I thought was heartless and abandoned me. Turns out she really did care all those years ago, but something got in her way. I don’t know how to forgive her, but I’m trying. Mom and I don’t see eye to eye and that makes this forgiveness even harder. Each time she talks to me, she insults my dad or talks about things that depress me. I have depression so this is no good. I have hated her for so long thinking she was this bad person. I still don’t know her to tell you if I was wrong, but my heart tells me she deserves a second chance. I love each of my siblings and want to be there for them. I am the second oldest, how can I be a good big sister? I have missed so many important times in their lives, how can I ever make it up even if it wasn’t my fault that I was away? I could cry tears of joy, I’m so happy to have finally met them. I could cry tears of sorrow, I’m so sad I still can’t be with them. Please someone help me find a way…

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