I’m an eight grader. I was an independent and free girl. I am rank number one in my school. I spend my time with great friends and always have full confidence in myself.
That is until I realize I’ve been liking him. I always felt nervous around him, and I thought it was because I felt strange since he was the first kid to speak to me in my language since he’s the same race as me. I guess not.
I have had crushes before, but they only lasted for a week or so. I’ve been liking him for 7 months now. I grew to like him more and more day by day. I realized that this is more than just a crush. As a girl who only focus on her study, her friends, and celebrities, I’ve never dated. I don’t know whether to confess or keep it in.
This feeling is affecting my school life. It’s very hard to focus and I always get depressed. I always wonder if he likes me or not. He always gives me the look that he likes me, that he wants me. But there’re other girls who’re prettier than me, and they like him too. I always cry at the thought that I like him. Why? Because I always tell others if they did something that bothers me, but I can’t bring myself to tell him that I like him. Not only that, going out with him would break my promise I made with my mom and my friends. It will also look bad in the eyes of my teachers, counselor, and principal since they expect me to be a person who’s only serious in her study. Plus, he’s a soccer player, and I don’t want to distract him when he found out that I like him.
Anyway, about two months ago I overheard this girl telling him in class that her friend said, “I like *his name*. I like *his nickname*. I will always love him.” He reacted with a smiley face as if he knew and he enjoys that. A few days later I caught him playing around with her. I thought that he must like her too. I cried a lot that night.
Three weeks ago, a new girl came to my school. A week later, I found out that he likes her. I was seriously in pain from the fact that he likes her even though they just met. It made me feel like an invisible person in his eyes because we know each other for three years. Moving on, I thought to myself that I should get back to who I used to be, someone who doesn’t care about this stuff, and I should ignore him. But it was hard, and I can’t force myself to dislike him.
Just a week from today, he asked her out, and it seems that she said yes. They’ve been hanging out together during lunch time, holding hands, hugging, and making it so obvious that they’re dating each other. I, of course, tried my hardest to act like I’m not affected when in the inside, I’m being stabbed by a million of knives.
What I’m concerned about is that she could break his heart. I saw her flirt with other guys. But since he likes her, I respect his decision, and I’ve been treating her nicely. Besides that issue, I also heard that he’s losing his focus as he plays soccer (he’s a soccer player in our school).
Last Friday, it was the Valentines’ Dance in my school. I had to participate because I was in charge of selling food and cleaning up after the dance. I was so happy when I saw him there as well. Apparently, she was there too. He gave her a teddy bear, flowers, and was about to give her a big heart box of chocolate but he accidently dropped it. He was so desperate to fix that problem. When the dance was almost over, I decided to help him out. I gave him my heart of Starburst, using the excuse that I’m selling that at first and then casually said that I’ll give it to him for free. He said, “*my name*, thanks for your heart.” Feeling hurt, I couldn’t say something back, and just replied with a nod. A minute later, I saw him giving the heart to her, and she hugged him. That is when it hits me. It was the Valentines’ dance, and I gave him my heart of Starburst. That is like giving someone you like a gift. And so that gift represents my heart. And he gave it away, to his girlfriend. I broke into tears when I got back home.
Any advice on what I should do?